World's Worst Mommy??

[Anonymous]

Hi ladies,

I have been *exclusively* BFing Sophia since she was born, 3.5 months ago. She has done so great with it, regaining her birth weight in 5 days and constantly being in the 75-90% for her weight. Then, when we finally figured out that she had reflux and MSPI, I did the total elimination diet, still BFing and she was still doing so great. At her last dr’s appt, her weight was still in the really high percentiles. I guess this has been our double edged sword from the beginning, as she’s never been classified as “failure to thrive”, which is why getting the attention we needed for her reflux has been so hard.

Was I a little bit smug that my baby was doing so great bf’ing? A little. Did I secretly judge other mommies who gave their babies formula? Possibly. Did God smack me in the face today with a big old piece of humble pie today? Absolutely.

I took Sophia to the dr today because she seemed awfully skinny. And she was. At her two month appt, she weighed 11 pounds, 13 ounces. Today, a month and a half later, she weighs 12 pounds! She’s only gained 3 ounces in a month and a half!! To make matters worse, another mommy in the waiting room asked me if Sophia was “underweight”. Why would you ask someone something like that??? I felt so spiteful, I wanted to say “No, your baby is just a fattie!” Argh!! What is happening to me???

Anyway, the doctor called a little bit later and said that we needed to start supplementing her feedings with formula. Oh, and p.s…she’s now in the 25% for her weight. I couldn’t feel like any more of a failure if I tried. My poor baby is starving. So, I had my little boo hoo over it and then did what any good mommy would do…went to the store to buy some formula.

Umm…why are there like, 47 formulas to pick from? And what the heck do you get for a baby that has reflux and MSPI that won’t make either one of those situations worse??? I picked Alimentum, at $27 a can! Went back, made Sophia a bottle and tried to give it to her. And she was like, umm…no thank you. She just licked the bottle and then when she finally took some of the formula in, she made a horrible face, looked at me like I was trying to poison her, and then spit the formula right back out. And that’s pretty much what she’s done all day when we’ve tried to give her any formula.

So, now I’m starving my poor baby AND she won’t eat the supplemental food. I suck at this mommy thing.

So far in her young little life, I’ve nearly drowned her in the bathtub, bunked her head on something a million times getting her in or out of her car seat and swing, dropped a phone on her, and now I’m starving her. If any of you thought you were in competition for “Worst Mommy of the Year”, let me assure you that I am firmly holding on to that title.

[Anonymous]

Oh man, I’m so sorry you are having such a hard time right now, but please don’t feel alone in this. You are most certainly NOT the world’s worst mommy, and I can safely say that all of us, at one time or another, have felt this way and maybe even done somethings to deserve it. You have been doing a GREAT job, and your daughter is just fine.

If it makes you feel any better, the exact same thing happened to me and my daughter. She was gaining weight just fine, but it started to slow after her 2 month appt. and at her 4 month check up when she only gained 1/2 a pound. She was 9.2 lbs. at birth, so we weren’t worried at first. We didn’t figure out it was even reflux until after the 4 month mark! So, pat yourself on the back that you are moving in the right direction!!! The doctor had me do the exact thing yours did because he thought my milk wasn’t enough for her. Luckily, she was taking breastmilk bottles at the sitters already, so I just put a scoop of formula in each bottle. I used Goodstart, but I don’t think she had MSPI. Maybe you could just add a scoop or two to a breastmilk bottle and go from there.

Now, looking back on this, I really think that my milk was JUST FINE! This is evidenced by my son, who has never had a drop of formula in his life, and has consistently been upwards of the 50th percentile (usually upwards of the 75th). For us, my daughter was in such pain from the reflux, it was causing her to nurse for very short amounts of time (only getting the foremilk). I thought she was just full, but looking back on it, and having my son to now compare… I know this is what was happening. I also had/have OAL and this was only aggravating the situation for her.

Once we got her Prevacid high enough (which was also during the summer, when I was at home with her so she wasn’t getting the BM/formula bottles) she started to nurse better and gained weight just fine.

Have you noticed that she is nursing any differently than before? Reflux typically peaks around the 4 month mark, so it could be that she needs an increase in her Prevacid dose. You may want to look into this before you panic about the formula (I know, easy for me to say, right?). If she is in pain, it’s not going to matter what you feed (or try to) her. She’ll just start refusing it.

Anyway… all that to say.. HANG IN THERE! You are doing a great job, and we are here for you.

Bensmama2007-12-01 15:10:05

[Anonymous]

Please don’t think that your the world’s worst mommy. I did everything that you mentioned in your post and more in Kaelyn’s first two months of life, including letting her fall out of her swing because I forgot to strap her in. She’s now a precocious, independent little three year old with absolutely no lasting signs of the “abuse” that she suffered in her first two months!

I actually think that a lot of people have had similar situations to yours. Typically what seems to happen is that as the reflux gets worse, your baby eats less and less. It has nothing to do with you or your parenting skills.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry your little girl is having trouble with her feedings. You are not a bad mommy. You are great and doing a wonderful job! I have an idea…I don’t know if it’s a silly idea or not, but here it is. When my little boy was born he spent ten days in the special care nursery. While he was there, I would go in and breastfeed him. Unfortunatly, my milk never came in, but boy did I try. Finally, one of the nurses gave me a bottle that fit around my neck and it had a small feeding tube. I would hold my son to my breast and he would suck. However, since I didn’t have anything coming out, we but formula in the bottle. He was able to drink it that way. I know the bottle tube thing was by Medula. I don’t know if this will work, but it’s just a thought. I hope things get better for you and your little girl. Being a mom is hard work!!!

[hellbennt]

you are THE BEST MOTHER EVER!!

you found this board!

can you go to a lactation consultant? they have sensitive scales & they weight baby before and after feeding to see how much she’s taking in-

it might NOT be you or your supply!!!

also: this is a free call: The La Leche League Breastfeeding Helpline – US began on June 1, 2007. Everyone in the U.S.A. will have access to toll free breastfeeding help 24 hours a day. Just call 1-877-4-LALECHE (1-877-452-5324).

and:

there’s a breast feeding support group at yahoo where they are really helpful (like we are here) :http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/breastfeedingreflux/ & one of the moms from that group has her own page: http://www.users.qwest.net/~fsdebra1/

– she’s the moderator of the group, so you might want to start there…

[Anonymous]

You are NOT a horrible Mommy. I, too, have done every single thing that you listed! You lasted a lot longer with exclusive breastfeeding than I did! Jackson had been gaining weight and doing well until around week 7 at which time he LOST 2 ounces in 2 weeks! He had been in severe distress prior to the doctor’s visit and I just assumed it was the reflux. One day, he got a terrible rash and I took him to the doctor who said- FEED HIM! So, we started him on formula that day and he was happier. His rash immediately disappeared. Jackson hated the first formula that we gave him but he likes Enfamil Gentlease. I do not think that he has a MSPI (though I have wondered). Be proud of yourself for the breastfeeding that you have already accomplished. A lot of people do not even try to breastfeed. I felt like a failure and I cried for days about supplementing. In the end, I was just grateful that we live in a day and age where a semi-healthy alternative to breast milk is available. It may not be the ideal food of choice, but it will help her to grow and eventually, be happy. Do not worry about your baby suffering from the addition of formula- I was a formula fed baby and my husband was breastfed and I am MUCH more intelligent! Just kidding! Stay positive. You are doing a fabulous job.

[Anonymous]

Sophia’a mama- you are NOT the worst mama- you are my hero, and so are all the other breastfeeding mamas of all babies, reflux or not! When Fernando was born, I tried breastfeeding in the hospital and day 1 went well. Fernando latched on well and had a few sucks and then slept. On day 2, he would latch on, suck 2 or 3 times, and then scream like a maniac! He did this all day. I was calling everyone for help, but the nurses said he would learn. But in the meanwhile, he didn’t sleep, I didn’t either (which I needed after a difficult labor which resulted in C-section), I resented all of my visitors for coming and disturbing us, and I cried like a baby all night. All the while, I was spying a bottle of formula in my drawer. The next day, the pediatrician came to see us and I told him of the problems we were having. He asked me to show him what I was doing. He said my baby was hungry and was too frustrated to concentrate on breastfeeding. ( He was a big baby and he was taken from me after the C-section delivery and was fed 2 bottles before I got to hold him for the first time which was 4 hours after the surgery. ) The doctor picked him up and started feeding him the bottle. I continued to put Fernando on my breast and when he would get frustrated, I would give him a bottle. When I got home I started pumping and in a couple of days my milk came in. I would pump and add formula to my breastmilk if it wasn’t enough. I was so happy that I could give my baby something so healthy and irreplaceable, even if it was a little. After 2 weeks, I got really sick with a breast infection and I stopped pumping because I was put on antibiotics. The doctor told me I could pump and dump but I was exhausted because Fernando was already very fussy and needed to be held all the time ( he had reflux – I didn’t even know what reflux was). I felt like I was either pumping or feeding him, like I was feeding 2 babies. I made the decision to quit, but not without much guilt. I will forever dream about being able to breastfeed my next baby. So, Sophia is a really, really, really, lucky baby to have such a strong mama that was able to breastfeed her all this time!!! Whatever you decide to do, you should be really proud of yourself.

[Anonymous]

I agree, you are a wonderful mommy! Especially with the TED, I tried it and it didn’t work, now I realize I wasn’t careful enough about reading labels. I think you are amazing! We also had one that gained weight well for the longest time, simply because I was BF’ing him 20 minutes of every hour through the day!

I’m not sure about your BF’ing situation – would it help you to take a time out and stay in bed with her, nursing all day as much as possible, for at least a weekend or so, to increase your supply? Would it help to pump between feedings, or to try supplements like fenugreek and oatmeal? Are you drinking lots of water? Maybe you could try pumping and mixing it with formula to start? I had to do that with my guy because he flat out refused the formula. I started with say 5oz of pumped breastmilk + 1oz formula, and then slowly increased the formula, until he would take it ok.

[Anonymous]

You are a great mommy! I think I agree with the ladies that we have ALL felt like we were the front runner for Worst Mommy awards. I think this is a group of some of the most amazing moms in the world here! We have come together in a place to support and sympathize with one another and admit that we don’t know it all as mommies, and that makes us some of the best mommies ever!

You are doing a great job and you will get a wealth of support here!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

My first night home with Sarah, I was “finger feeding” her in the chair and fell asleep. I woke up to the sound of her bonking her head on the side of the glider and nearly landing on the floor.

We all go through these things. You’re a great mom! And BF a refluxer is no easy feat. I admire anyone who tries. Hopefully one of Laura’s links can help you.

[Anonymous]

I hope I haven’t found you too late. To agree with hellbent it may not at all be a problem with your supply. If your baby has reflux that may be the very reason she is not gaining as much weight. Many babies that are formula fed also have weight issues due to their reflux. As much as peditricians should know about breastfeeding they just don’t. They know about formula and formula fed babies. I would encourage you to check out the things hellbent has suggested. You can attend a La Leche League meeting for free. No matter what the case is you are not a bad mommy. A bad mommy is one who does not care and you obiviously care about your baby very much. I feel that I should share my story with my older child. I took him to the peds office very early on telling them of all the things that he was doing and I was told that I was not providing enough for my baby. So, I was told to supplement. My lo decided he didn’t want to breastfeed anymore and would only take the bottle with formula after that. The formula did not at all make things better and we eventually figured out it was reflux. I was determined with my second to breastfeed and again was told by another dr. that I needed to do formula because he had a milk allergy. Thankfully I knew enough this time to know that I could just stop doing dairy. My second refluxer did so much better than my first and I think the breastfeeding had a lot to do with it. All that to say the drs. don’t always know whats right.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the other posters that you should not automatically give up breastfeeding. I hope that my previous post did not give off that kind of impression. For us, I really did have a supply issue. When I gave Jackson formula, his crying dramatically reduced and he started to gain a healthy amount of weight. His reflux was still there and I know that he probably spits up more now that he is on formula, but he NEEDED the formula. He was truly not getting enough from me. I think that true supply issues are rare, however, and you should continue breastfeeding if you can. No matter what- you are a great Mom and you should not let yourself feel guilt. I have told myself that same thing one hundred times!

[Anonymous]

(((HUGS))) You are NOT a bad mommy at all! You care very much about your lo! I agree with pp about bfing as much as you can. I pump only1-2 oz a day for my little guy who is mostly on formula but he gets some bm which does seem to help his poopies. If I could give him more I would but he won’t take to the breast so I express what I can.

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