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As most of you know, since Bryce couldn’t breastfeed because of his cleft palate, etc., I’ve been pumping breastmilk for him. A few months ago I started him on some formula but continued to give him two bottles-worth of breastmilk each day. Now I’ve decided to wean him completely and stop pumping.
Why is it so hard for me to stop?? Goodness, I pumped for 19 months! That’s longer than either of my other two boys nursed. I’m glad to finally be done pumping, but sad at the same time. I’ve been renting a pump, and my husband took it back today – I almost cried! I was sad when I weaned my other boys too, but it seems worse this time. Maybe because with the other boys they more or less weaned themselves, and with Bryce I’m completely in control of him weaning.Anyway, thanks for listening to my sob story.
Oh Heather,
I just posted today about how I threw away the BM I had in my freezer which I knew 4 or more months ago that I would never be able to use! I just kept it in the freezer b/c I felt like I was giving something up….
You did an incredible job going 19 mo. I don’t think I could have ever done that! Bryce is doing great and you deserve all the credit!!It’s just something a mom has in them, the need to nuture as much as possible!Pat yourself on the back, you’ve been through a lot and you done so well!Heather, you’re so amazing for pumping for so long, especially with 3 boys to take care of! I found it difficult to do it for a few months. I think that stopping BF or pumping is always hard b/c it’s something wonderful that you’ve felt like you’ve been doing for your child. Bryce is so lucky that you were so dedicated to pumping. I know it’s hard to let go, but it’s your time now. Imagine all the free time you’ll have now that you don’t have to pump!
Wow I wish I had the strength to have pumped that long. I think you are great for what you have done. You have a right to be sad and I am sorry that you are feeling like that. I wish I could make you feel better but here is a hug.
Thanks so much everyone, for the support and kind words.
Erica: I’m so sorry you had to throw out your breast milk. That must have been so hard.
I’m sure it’s hard because you probably never planned on having to give Griffin formula and give up breastfeeding & that special connection with him. I think that’s one thing that makes it so hard for me to give it up is that I hoped to never have to give my babies formula. With Bryce and his need of a liquid diet for so long its just nearly impossible to keep giving him breast milk until he’s off the feeding tube.Therese: Thanks. I think you’re exactly right. It’s been a big part of my life with Bryce and a connection I’ve had with him, and now there’s that gap.
Lori: Yes, I definitely have more free time… the best part is being able to sleep in a little longer.
It still hard to give it up though. Like you said it was something that I was able to do for Bryce when there were so many things out of my control.Kathleen: Thanks so much for the encouraging words. It really helps just talking to people who understand.
I cried my heart out each time I quit pumping for all three of my babies. It’s just sad. I would have nursed my babies until they were two if they wanted to but I just could not pump that long. So, I understand how you feel. You’ve done a great thing pumping that long for him, and I’m sure you know that, but it’s still hard to let something so wonderful go. I think it’s just the (wonderful) way God created women. We were meant to nurture our babies and nursing (or pumping) fulfills that role like nothing else, so when we stop it hurts for a while.
Thanks Christine.
I’m glad I’m not the only one. For some reason it just seemed silly to be crying over a pump, but I guess for those of us who’ve had to pump, it’s just our way of “nursing” our babies. Heather,
you have done such a great job pumping for Bryce and you should be so proud of yourself
. I am so glad he has been able to tolerate it well and grow with it.As hard as it was for me to pump with a screaming unhappy baby most of the time, i felt that was the only thing i could do to help her reflux pain and the vomiting. i have so much milk i was able to pump and save 30+ bags full of those gerber breatsmilk storage bags in my freezer over a couple of months. Kendra had severe food allergies(still does) and i tried hard to keep a special diet for her. I was so stressed out and she wasn’t gaining very much wt. then she was hospiatlized and the ped convinced me to stop given her breastmilk for a few weeks and give neocate a try. Desperate to see my baby well and happy and agreed but i kept pumping and saving it. after three weeks kendra was better and i decided to add some breastmilk again to the her diet and she was geeting sick again and not gaining. I finally realized that i have to give it up. With her allergies not even my good breastmilk could help her be better (b/c BM has whey protein in it). i was very upset. Iam sorry for the long wordy post, but iam trying to say is that yes, it is hard to give up, even when you know you have done a good job. When it came time to throw away my BM, i cried and cried and cried for a whole night and was sad for a whole month. i just couldn’t bare the thought that this really nutritious milk has to be thrown out when there were so many babies who could beneficiate. i looked into donating it, but they have a lot of rules and testing.I think Bryce has really gotten great benefits form his mommy’s BM and i am sure he’ll continue to get lost s more benefits in other waysbig hugs, it will get betterkendramom2007-07-21 12:50:19
Oh Heather! I totally understand, and you should be so proud of yourself for keeping it up for so long. I nursed Claire until she was nearly 17 months old, and even then was only nursing at night at that point. I still boo hooed like a baby that last night I nursed her. I’m sure it’s hormonal, to some extent (as all things seem to be with us
), but it’s also such a real connection to your child. You’ve sustained Bryce for nearly 2 years, and you are totally right to feel sad about that ending.Heather,
I just wanted to say that you are awesome for pumping for 19 months!!! You certainly can be proud of that. I nursed my first two for a year (when they pretty much weaned themselves) and am currently nursing Caden (age 8 months), and I’m kind of sad thinking that he may start that process in the next couple of months, because he is our last one 🙁I think it’s hard to wean no matter when it happens because it means they’re growing up, and when you’ve been nursing or pumping bm for them, you are not needed in that way any more, so it’s kind of sad when it ends.I’ll be thinking about you
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