Sleep Deprived in Arkansas

[Anonymous]

Here it is, 1:20am on a Thursday Morning. About 1.5 hours ago, I was scared awake when my 5 week old DD stopped breathing. She regularly gurgles and gags on something I never see because she “chews” on it and swallows it back down, she’s done that since birth, but this was scary. It took a coupla seconds for her to catch her breath, which she did, and apparently it didn’t bother her as much as it did me, cause she’s been back asleep for about 45 minutes now. But, not me…no, I’m up scared that if I fall to sleep it will happen again, and I won’t hear it!

I have her mattress elevated, just did that tonight. She ALWAYS sleeps more comfortably during the day on her stomach, but I won’t succumb and let her do it at night because I’m so scared of SIDS! Now, I’m afraid if I do try it, it will make her breathing worse.

Plus, I stopped bf’g at the request of the dr, who didn’t tell me I had to, but that it would probably be best. So, now I’m second guessing that decision, thinking that my DD would be better off if I had just continued!

And, finally, I am supposed to start back to work on Monday, but I’m so stressed about her being this sick, and whether the day care will take care of her the way she needs to be taken care of, that I’m considering not going back, even though we can’t afford it financially, as well as we’ll lose our health insurance!

I know there’s really no question in all of this, just more of a rambling from a sleep deprived mother, but I had to get it off my chest! Sorry if it’s long and boring! I’m just so scared that I’m doing something wrong, and that this allergy/intolerance/reflux is somehow my fault, even though I know that I did EVERYTHING by the book when I was pregnant and postpartum.

It’s all just SO OVERWHELMING sometimes!

Thanks for listening! I’m going to try to go get some sleep before she wakes up again! It’s already 1:50am!

[Anonymous]

All of us have felt the way that you are feeling. It is not your fault and little Aubri is so lucky to have a Mommy that seeks out information and cares about her condition. I also stopped breastfeeding when my baby was 6 weeks old. It was a hard decision, but my son was losing weight and needed something more. Not sure if it was a supply issue or if it was reflux related, but our lives got a lot easier once we started on gentleease formula. We still dealt with major reflux problems, but not the constant starvation. My point is do not beat yourself up about breastfeeding. Caring for a reflux baby is difficult enough without second guessing your every decision. Breastfeeding is best when it works out. It does not work out for everyone. My son was born 7 pounds and at his 6 week check up, he had dropped to 6 pounds something. After formula, he jumped up to the 75% in weight and was not screaming 24/7 for food. I have wished many times that I could have breastfed, but I know in my heart that it was the right decision for us to stop. So, stop beating yourself up. You have enough on your plate with your return to work. When I think back to when Jackson was 5 weeks old like Aubri, those days just seem so dark. It is such a long and tough road for a lot of these babies, but it does get better. You will figure it all out and you are already working as her advocate. Good luck and I hope that you get the rest and support that you need.

[Anonymous]

One thing you might try for stomach sleeping is an Angel care monitor. The monitor goes under the crib sheet and sounds an alarm if movement is not detected for 20 seconds. This will give you peace of mind and hopefully a little more sleep. You can buy them at Walmart, Babies R Us or the net. Amazon usually has great prices. Good luck! Sleep is so hard for reflux babies.

http://www.amazon.com/Bebe-Sound-Ac201-g-Movement-BEBE-AC201/dp/B0018K2YB4/ref=pd_bbs_4?ie=UTF8&s=electronics&qid=1217512572&sr=8-4

[Anonymous]

I second what Kristin said. I know a lot of moms found comfort with the angel care monitor. It allows you to sleep more peacefully knowing that you WILL be woken up if she does stop breathing for a few seconds…whether she is on her tummy or back! Hang in there!!!

[Anonymous]

Huge hugs to you!

I second what Kristin said about the Angel care monitor for peace of mind. We used the apnea monitor that our GI dr. gave us a script for. My LO had silent reflux with apnea episodes and it is SO scary when they stop breathing like that.

About going back to work…you do what you feel is right in your heart. You will make it work one way or the other. My LO was really sick with intolerances & reflux and I missed so much work with him I lost my job of 10 yrs. I am not telling you this to upset you, but to tell you good things have come of it. We have lost many many things and made many sacrifices. We’ve had to move & give up some things and cut corners, but in hidnsight I wouldn’t have it any other way now. I’ve REALLY enjoyed the time home with my boys and taking care of them. If you decide you need to go back just make sure the person caring for the baby has a care guide (write one up for them) about your baby. Type up a cute little “bio” page of your baby to hang in the nursery of her likes/dislikes, how she likes to lie down, best way to calm her, bottles she uses, what she drinks, call mommy IF…etc etc. This helped a lot with landen. 🙂 We even added a really cute pic of him on his bio page that captured everyone’s attention. We also noticed other parent’s started making one of their kids too. LOL Before you knew it all parents had on of their baby on the wall.

Now that my boys are getting older I am going back to school to be a nurse and I know things will turn around again one day. So no matter what choice you make, things will get better and you’ll pull through the tough times. You always find a way to manage. If you lose health insurance, you might qualify for medicaid. do what you have to do mama!! 🙂

[Anonymous]

Thank you, all of you! I will look into the monitor….actually looking into it right now.

I too am going back to school to be a nurse, starting this semester. Was trying to make it work by going to school fulltime, work fulltime, and taking care of the LO, but now, with her so sick and miserable, I’m thinking about cutting one out, I’m just trying to figure out which one! I really don’t want it to be school!

I’m gonna try to rest a bit today, if possible, and figure this out when I’m not so emotional and have a clearer head! (That will happen, won’t it!?!)

[Anonymous]

Hang in there! just wanted to offer support as the other ladies have given you great advice! I just wanted to say, though, that a lot of daycares (home and centers) have dealt with all types of babies, fussy, cranky, good and bad sleepers, good and bad eaters, etc…. And they do what they do because they love children (most of them anyway) so just be open and honest with them as you know your baby best, but they will do whatever they can to take the best care of your child. I have found that if I just show appreciation, they seem to really take caring for my child personally, so they are really good at it. It is never easy to have to do the daycare thing, but if you have to go back to work and you can not stay home, you do what you have to do. I am sure Aubri is adorable and they will love her!

Hang in there!

Ann Marie

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I completely feel for you, as I’m sure everyone on this board does too!!

About going back to work…I was lucky enough to be at home with my LO for a good four months. I was even terrified then to go back. There is no way she could have gone to a regular daycare. Taking care of her really requires full time attention and workers at a daycare don’t have that time to spend on each baby. I was SO fortunate. My sister had a job that I asked her to quit so she could stay at home at take care of my daughter. Her job was one she really didn’t care for anyway and wasn’t making great money. I would have loved to stay home with my little one, but we need the money to live. (I have negotiated to work just 29 hours a week though!). If it would have came down to putting her in daycare or a stranger I would have quit my job. and then found other ways to help out with money (housecleaning for people, moved, part-time job in evening, etc). I would have had no choice. I just didn’t feel comfortable having someone take care of her when she was going through really bad episodes. I don’t think I would have even been able to work b/c I would have constantly been worried about her.

About breastfeeding…this is completely my own advice and opinion. I got the same advice from the pediatrician when my LO was a couple of months old. I was pumping exclusively b/c my LO couldn’t latch on so when he said to stop BFing I did. I did it though with great, great disappointment b/c I wanted SO badly to nurse my baby. I daydreamed about it before she was even born! Anyway, fast-forward to now (she’s 5 months old) and I’m working on relactating. For our situation, deciding to quit breastfeeding was the worst decision I made. Now I’m really struggling to bring my milk back in (and it’s A LOT of work). There are so many benefits to BFing these babies especially. Not to mention we’re now thinking my LO may be MSPI so breastmilk on TED would be WAY cheaper than if we have to buy neocate or elecare. I’m willing to do what it takes to bring my supply back in so I can give my baby breastmilk.

On the other side of the coin though, there are many situations where BFing and breastmilk won’t work for these babies. And a lot of babies have had much better luck on specialized forumlas. I’m by no means discounting or discouraging this choice! BFing or formula feeding is completely personal. And everyone has to make their decision for different reasons. I’m just offering what happened in our situation, stopping BFing was a decision I wish I hadn’t made!

isabellasmommy2008-07-31 11:41:23

[Anonymous]

I just want to reiterate that some people are fortunate enough to have family or themselves to be able to stay home, but others are not. You should in no way feel bad about that and just make sure you do your background work before choosing daycare and your baby will be fine. I have had experience with local daycare centers as well as a home daycare and the people I have chosen DO have enough time to spend with the children and DO take very good care of them, so please do not be scared into thinking that is not out there. Especially if someone has not had the experience with non family daycare to begin with.

sorry if this sounds judgemental to another post, but I just see that you are completely overwhelmed at this point and you should take non experienced advice that will make you more scared and overwhelmed at face value…….

[Anonymous]

I agree with the angel care monitor… we have one but really never used it for its true purpose! cooper started rolling over very early so I just gave up on using it. It does work however… sometimes too well! About work/school. My plan post baby was to go back to grad school, I had quit my job before he was born and planned on going back to school when he was about 6 months old. Well I am not in school… never started and now I am working again.. however very limited. We are VERY fortunate that we can live on my dh’s salary and I am so thankful for that. But if it were not the case I would have put Cooper in Daycare and continued with my ft job… Since I work so little now (maybe 6hrs/wk) we have a sitter that comes in… just started today as a matter of fact.. first time Cooper has been with non family b/c we are lucky in that area as well. But I will say that I feel like Daycare has many benefits for social interaction and when they are that little there are laws that require they have so many caregivers for so many children so that they can get special 1 on 1 attention when needed. The only problem I see arising in the tummy sleeping b/c I know many daycares will not allow this.. but maybe if you get a note from your ped saying that it is “needed” they will let it happen. If I had to choose I would stick with work and then do school once she is a bit older.. school is very expensive and if you can’t give it all you need to to study and do well it might be a waste of money… The whole reason I didn’t go back last year. Just my opinion though. Good Luck and try to get some rest.

[Anonymous]

After my ds was born, I was completly overwhelmed and had a sort of break down. I quit my job of 10 years (which I hated, but it paid well) to stay home with my kids.

My mom works with infants at a daycare center. I’m not sure where you live, but in Colorado the law for infant to adult ratio is 5 infants to 1 adult. My mom says that all their babies eat at the same time, but don’t nap at the same times. So they rarely have all babies awake at once and are able to spend time with and take care of all the children. My mom talks about the babies as if they are her own. She knows each of their likes and dislikes. She knows their personalities. They have a couple fussy babies at their center (which I suspect are refluxers). I agree that being up front and honest is the best way to go.

One of the best things we ever did for my daughter is daycare. When I worked she was in daycare 5 days a week, 9 hours a day. She loved it and looked forward to it. In fact, my dd still talks about her “school” and loves to drive by it. They helped potty train her, gave her valuable social skills and she made a few friends that we still have playdates with occasionally. I agree that you may have to have a note for the tummy sleeping, but the daycare will be able to fill you in on all the particulars. My advice is to visit a lot of places before you make your choice and feel them all out. There are so many loving, caring daycares out there that are passionate about little ones.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I’m a little hurt by the comments from monty123. I really took time to double-read my posting before I posted it. I wanted to make sure to reiterate that that was COMPLETELY my own experience, advice, and opinion. That is just like every post in this forum is based on the poster’s advice, experience, values, etc.

So, please Sleep Deprived In Arkansas (and anyone else) understand that what I said it just my thoughts. I’m in no way saying they are right or wrong. It’s just what we had to do and worked for us.

Isn’t that what this forum is all about? I know when I post a question I get all sorts of feedback. Some I take, some I leave. Because when I post I want well-rounded ideas for things so I can pick what I think would work best for my situation. I want to hear what all mommies and daddies did. From their experience they can tell me things I may have never thought of. It’s these different ideas, opinions, and advice I value so much about this forum. Like some BF some formula feed, some co-sleep some don’t, some work from home some go back to work, some choose daycare others choose an alternative, some choose to vaccinate some don’t etc. They’re all very personal decisions!

So, I’m very sorry if my post came across the wrong way. I would never , ever tell anyone on here what I think THEY should do or what I think is best!! My post is just what worked for us!! And I’m sure you’ll do what you think is best for you and your baby. It sounds like you’re already doing so much for your LO and you’re a great parent already!

Yes, please take my comments at face value. They’re just my thoughts.

isabellasmommy2008-07-31 14:09:51

[Anonymous]

First of all…no worries isabellasmommy. I understand.

Secondly, the daycare we picked is excellent. We’re from a very small town, and everyone knows everyone. In fact, a very good friend works there, and it’s at a church. It’s just the mommy instinct about leaving your baby with someone else when she’s hurting. I know she’ll be fine!

Thank you, ladies, for all your insights. I know I’m being a paranoid, overprotective mother. I am just so tired…not just physically, but of my dd being in pain and not being able to fix it! It’s just frustrating. But, it’s great having so many people to talk to that have been through it!

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your reply. I was really bothered there for a few minutes. I felt terrible.

Anyway, it does sound like you’re lucky in the daycare department. Unfortunately, where I live at there aren’t too many to choose from and no one I know works there. I just didn’t feel comfortable leaving my LO there because it was at a time where she was screaming almost constantly and only sleeping a few broken hours a day. Like I’ve seen other moms post…it just makes you think if I’m having such a rough time taking care of her and I love her to pieces, how will someone else handle her?

It’s so hard taking care of our darling LO’s when they’re going through the worst of this! Someone else on this board also posted (and I believe it 100%) that God gives these babies to mommies and daddies who can take care of them the best. It’s SO hard sometimes, but we find a way to do it because we love them to pieces and I think everyone on this board would do anything to make their LO happy, comfortable, and not sick!!

[Anonymous]

Breastfeeding and whether to send a baby to daycare seem to be hot button topics! The bottom line is that you have to do what you know is right for your baby and what you are able to do in light of your own personal circumstances. We are all here to support each other- not judge! I am fortunate that I can stay home, but I was the world’s worst breastfeeder! Guilt seems to come along with motherhood, but the last thing that we need to do is beat ourselves up! Hang in there!

[Author]

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