Separation Anxiety

[Anonymous]

How old were your reflux babies when they started to show signs of separation anxiety???

Sarah is almost 5 months old and has started crying when someone else holds her!!!! We were at a family function tonight and she would not let anyone other than myself or dh hold her! Even if we were standing right next to her she would stick out her bottom lip and start this pathetic (but awfully cute) cry until we took her back.

We are very close to DH’s family and this is NOT how I want her to react around them. But the sad truth is that they have had little/no opportunity to babysit her b/c we only got the reflux monster taken care of about a month ago. You can all relate to how reflux babies tend to make you a prisoner in your own home! We never felt comfortable having anyone else watch her b/c she screamed all the time.

Is separation anxiety more common in reflux babies? Should she be acting this way SO young? Could it be because she is teething? Will being around family more often make things better?

DH’s aunt, who never had children, thought it was incredibly sweet and reaffirming for us because she only wanted mama and dada. Yes, it’s nice that she is comforted by us but I don’t want her to react that way around FAMILY…sure, maybe the stranger at Wal-Mart or McDonalds…but not family!

Any ideas, tips, suggestions, stories would be appreciated!!!
Amy

[Anonymous]

I do think it’s quite common. I had it with both my kids. Sarah used to scream when someone else would hold her, but I would just persist and keep letting them hold her for short periods while I was there. When she’d cry, I’d tell her it was okay. I figured that she had to get used to it. When she was comfortable with the person, I’d start leaving for short periods, and eventually longer periods. I found it was always better if the holding took place in our own home, since it was a familiar environment. From around 3-4 months old, Sarah was so attached that she wouldn’t even let dh hold her without screaming.

With Hailey, from around 2-10 months, no one else could hold her or look at her even. She would go nuts and wouldn’t stop crying. Because of all her issues, I was so overprotective that I never let anyone else get near her. The second she cried, I scooped her up and tried to protect her from the world. I have to say that in retrospect, I think I just made things much worse for her. When I started to lighten up about it and recognize that I had to let go a bit, she started to get much better. But she had such fierce anxiety that it was awful. I also think that she sensed my anxiety about it, and that would make it worse. She would look to me to see if things were okay, and get the vibe that they weren’t which would only make things worse for her.

I think that Sarah (your Sarah) is at the age where they just want to be held by mommy and daddy. But I do think it’s important to get them used to other people. What we found worked well was to let them hold her for just a short amount of time, and not to take her back the second she fussed but to try to take her back when she was calm. And even if I could see she was a bit nervous, I’d always have a bit smile and tell her it’s okay. Distraction was big. We also found it helped if we played together- so she’d be sitting on my lap and then my mil would sing a song with her and keep her entertained. Gradually she felt more comfortable.

I really do think it’s normal and not a reflux thing, though I know several refluxers (including my own) who have been more clingy. My theory has always been that they learn early on that things can hurt- they have pain, and more medical appointments and tests then are normal- so it can take longer to win the trust of a stranger. I know it’s frustrating, but she’ll come around. She’s so young, it’s part of the age.

I’ve always been kind of protective with my kids, but I’ve seen from others that the more you let other people hold them, the faster they’ll get over it.

Hang in there.

s&h’s mum2006-9-18 9:8:11

[Anonymous]

It really does differ with all babies. My first didn’t show any signs of stranger anxiety at all during infancy…she was such a social baby, but she became more uncomfortable around strangers near age 2. Pretty unusual. Today at 4, she’s social by nature, and very friendly in familiar situations (like pre-school), but somewhat anxious about new situations which may separate her from mommy. I attribute that mostly to my being a SAHM.

My middle child was extremely anxious by nature from birth and NO ONE could look at her, talk to her….or God-Forbid hold her except mommy, daddy, or her Poppa. She was like that from early infancy and while it has improved dramatically, and she has a circle of persons she trusts, she’s still quite reserved. I feel that that is simply her nature. DH and I were both shy children.

My youngest, Myles was more typical. He was fine with other people until around 8 or 9 months of age. Now at 12 months he has a pretty fierce case of stranger anxiety. He cries if people touch him or talk to him while we are out. He’s comfortable with his Popp and Nana because he sees them enough…but everyone else freaks him out. He calms down after a few minutes with people he sees more often like my friends, but still won’t let them hold him. I really don’t worry about it because I know it’s normal and it gets better as the grow and mature.

Stranger anxiety is actually a good sign that your baby has developed a strong bond with you. So, it’s really a positive developemental milestone.

[Anonymous]

Aidan has no hint of seperation anxiety (yet), but my first had HORRIBLE anxiety (still does), the way I dealt with it may not be for everyone, but I just started leaving him in the nursery at church every Sunday. Yes, they called me to come get him more times than not, but eventually he got used to it, it didn’t totally go away until he was about 2 but he stopped the screaming clutching on to me stuff when he got used to being around other people.

[Anonymous]

Brianna has started her major separation anxiety recently. She does the same cute pouty lip and cry type thing you are talking about. It is funny almost…I can be in the same room with her and she will totally be able to play by herself…she doesn’t need me to entertain her all the time, but if I walk out of the room, even if I am still talking to her and she can see me…she will start crying. But I have been told this is pretty common of most babies.

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