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Hi
Hugs to you during this time
I too have a 4 month old silent refluxer and a 2 1/2 year old. The stress can be really overwhelming. Is there anyone that lives close to you that could take the baby for a few hours? That way maybe you could get some sleep or spend some time with your older child. It is very hard and I too have felt that my older child is suffering as I cannot devote as much time to him as I used too. Plus, mommy is always tired.
It is heartbreaking. After we saw the GI, things have turned around for the better as she is now on Prevacid instead of Zantac. Hope things get better. Just know you are not alone in feeling this way…Krista in Houston
Oh my gosh Karen, I could have written your post about a year ago. When Andrew was born, my older son was 3 and I was just too tired out to play with him after tending to Andy’s needs and crying ALL DAY. I felt so guilty that I asked my parents to start taking my older son to their house once a week to get him “away” from things. It helped tremendously. I also enlisted the help of my in-laws, too. But they usually watch the baby and I took Matthew to the park, library, etc. I know that I am very lucky to have both sets of parents living close by so it helped. If you don’t have family nearby, how about a neighbor? Is there a neighbor that your older daughter can play with? Or maybe a nursery school program a few mornings a week? My son goes and LOVES every minute of it.
This time is so overwhelming for you, and I know how exhausted you are. Try to enlist as much help as possible – you deserve a “little” break, too. Also, DH and I alternated nights so that one of us would be able to have “some” sleep in order to handle the next day. I used to get so jealous that he was able to leave to go to work and “escape” the house.
I just want to assure you that it does get better! Also, we ordered a Tucker Sling for his crib and he slept so much better in it and we were able to sleep in our bed – not holding him. It gave us at least 4-5 hours of sleep….that at this point is probably more than you’re getting in a week, I know.
Hang in there and know that you are not alone in this Reflux World. This site has the BEST information and is so supportive. These girls are wonderful!
Hugs!
Andrea
Matthew 4 years old – no reflux
Andrew 10/18/04 – silent reflux and MSPI
Hey Karen – I am always saying this to newbies and others for that matter. .. if all else is failing try taking milk and soy out of your childs diet. Its a safe and easy test to see if your dealing with something beyond reflux and it can be a lifesaver if you test it out early on. First off your right and Zantac is not usually strong enough for most refluxers. .. I would try switching to a ppi since Zantac can wear off with every weight gain. You still have to keep an eye on the ppi’s but they are a little more consistent. Secondly, I would definitely try a sling for bedtime too. My daughter required constant care like your describing with Tess and I cannot even imagine if I had a toddler in need of my attention as well. Its no wonder your marriage is strained. . .ours was and we just had one. Theres two things to remember – it will eventually be a distant memory and this is a situation that you can both use to make you stronger or one that can tear you apart. Obviously if you have a new baby and a toddler your together for a reason and while its really hard when your tired to look at the bright side try to remember that your both doing your best. I second Andrea and say pull on every resouce possible right now. Try having hubby take the older one out for breakfast once in while, to a mcdonalds indoor playground. . .whatever – try suggesting ways for your husband to help and he’ll feel more needed and you might get a little break from feeling guilty about the two year old too. I know I didn’t really provide my husband with a game plan and sorry to the guys out there but lets face it . .. most men need one. I resented my husband terribly but really I was distraught and he was clueless about what to do. . .its really a mess for most.
I feel so bad for you because I know how hard this is. .. I held my daughter for just about the same hours your describing. . .day and night. When she turned 4 months I finally started putting her in the swing at night on high speed. .. even then she woke every hour. We switched her to a ppi from Zantac at 6 months and she had boughts of improvement but the misery continued. .. irritability, sleeplessness, up and down moodiness. .. ugh – I thought I just got a lemon
. It wasn’t until I found this board and researched and took advice that I FINALLY started eliminating dietary things. Since we didn’t have any of the “normal” symptoms of MSPI I just sort of thought I was nuts and btw – I was too tired to care. My daughter would only go to me and I resented my hubby, I was exhausted and at my wits end. My dd was like a new child once we changed her diet by 11 months. .. please try it now and see if it saves you some grief. Theres also some testing that you might want to consider if a ppi and dietary changes don’t have any effects. The diet wasn’t a cure all for my dd – we still kept her on the ppi but she slept and was manageable for a change. BTW – I know it seems far fetched now but I have a happy and med free soon to be two-year old (sniff sniff) and I so wish that I could get back some of those infant months so that I could have known about the MSPI sooner and maybe had a happier baby. Just throwing it out there in case med changes don’t do the trick for you.
~Liz
I know it’s really stressful right now, but things will get better. Try to take it one day at a time. My son had MSPI and cried ALL the time and would not sleep on his own. When he did sleep, it was only 10-20 minutes at a time. He improved a lot at the three month mark though he was difficult the whole first year. My recommendation? Let your DD sometimes cry on her own. I know it’s difficult to do, but you ned to at least take care of basic things for yourself every day like a shower and meals. If you do not take care of yourself you could end up chronically depressed. That said, I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you. I did not have another child when I was dealing with my son’s constant crying and I still felt like I was going insane! Hugs to you.
And know that youa re not a bad mother. The fact that you haven’t gone completely insane is a testament to your strength. Oh, another thing, my son did much better in the Amby Motion Bed than even sleeping on my tummy. It is expensive, but if you could put hre in it, it would be a lifesaver. I know help is hard to come by, but if you don’t have anyone to babysit your other child, I suggest finding a friend with a child her age and switching babysitting or having a playgroup. That way she can interact with the other child and get some of the stimulation she needs with a little less effort from you. I am sure the last thing you feel like doing is getting out, but it might relieve some stress to talk to another human being and have your child be entertained by another child. One more thing, when all else failed, Colicalm Gripewater helped soothe my son a little bit. I don’t know if it would work for your DD, but it might. Emmy2006-3-1 19:41:29
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