My husband thinks I’m too aggressive…

[Anonymous]

I too know exactly what you are saying! There have been many, many times with both of my refluxers that I have wondered how I was going to get through the day. When my son Ben was about 10 days old, I sat with him and cried just about as hard as he did. And that certainly wasn’t the last time, either. I remember thinking, “what in the world have I gotten myself into?” as I sat resenting this screaming child of mine. I knew babies weren’t easy, but I had no idea just how hard it could get. I had my mother-in-law basically telling me everything was my fault – either his bottle wasn’t warm enough, I should dress him warmer, I was holding him too much and spoiling him, I didn’t know what I was doing, the list went on and on. Other people told me “Babies do cry, you know”. So here I thought maybe I was just overreacting, and my poor boy when untreated. He screamed nonstop for 7 long months. But, I got through it and now he is a wonderfully happy toddler!

I’m so glad this time around I sought help, and have my daughter on a good dose of Prevacid. I too used Zantac along with the Prevacid for about 2 weeks until she seemed to start responding to the Prevacid. But it wasn’t until about day 24 of Prevacid that I really started to see a happier baby – not a perfect baby, but certainly happier! The days are long, and the nights are longer, but we will get through this. Thank goodness we all have each other for support!

Just a question – what is your daughter eating? Is she breastfeeding or on formula, and if so, which one? The reason I ask is that so many of our little refluxers have Milk Soy Protein Intolerance (MSPI) and their little bodies can’t tolerate the proteins in milk and soy products. If you don’t see a major improvement on Prevacid within a few weeks, that may be something to look into as well. If breastfeeding, you may have to start eliminating certain foods from your diet, or if you’re using formula, you may want to switch to a hypoallergenic brand.

Take care, be strong, and maybe invite your husband to read these postings with you.

MFPIx22007-4-19 18:49:35

[Anonymous]

My story also is a lot like yours. I have two refluxers and my dh questioned me both times. The best thing i learned was to not even talk to him about it. He told me he was sick of me complaining. So, I now get on here and vent. I most def think a husband and wife should talk about everything, but when you need to vent we are always here for you. Things will get better, but you may have to get pushy with the doc if things don’t. A baby should not cry and scream all the time. If I’m wrong about that somebody tell me. Also, like Laura said baby wearing helps a lot. There are many types of carriers and you can check them out on babywearing.com. Also, you could get together with some baby wearing moms in your area and try some of their carriers out before you buy one. I know that would be hard with a crying infant. I didn’t really go anywhere that I didn’t have to with my crying babies. Anyway, I hope things get better soon. Keep us posted.

[Anonymous]

I totally understand. The best thing that happened for us was when I went back to work. He worked Tu to Sat, so he was alone with her all day on Mondays. The first week, I came home and he said, “she had a really bad day today”. The second week he said, “is she really like this all of the time?”. By the third week, he truly understood what I’d been saying all along. Unfortunately, I know that leaving him alone with the baby for an entire day every week isn’t an option for most people, but imagine how quickly he’d start to understand.

[Anonymous]

This is long and kind of rambling, but I wanted to let you know several different things (different topics), so I apologize that it’s not more organized! So, here is what I have to say…

Oh my gosh, Stephanie, YES I do know what you’re going through and feel SO bad for you

I know how hard this is for you right now. We are just coming out of it, so it WILL get better at some point for you, I know it. Our baby is now almost 6 months old and since he turned 4 months things have been improving little by little. You have to believe and keep telling yourself that this will not last forever. This will get better one way or the other – maybe the right meds will be the answer or maybe something else (for me I have to breastfeed only on one side for 6 hours to lower my overabundant milk supply – with that change Caden improved considerably). Just keep trying things and don’t give up.

Also, if you believe in prayer, let me tell you that many a day prayer was the one thing that helped me get through the day. It just calmed me down almost immediately. And, many times Caden even did better after I prayed about it.

There were many days that I wondered HOW in the world I could do this another day? I was in awe of these women on here that made it through and whose children were now older and have outgrown the reflux. I even have 2 older children who had reflux as infants, but this baby had the worst colic from it of all 3 kids. Many days I would tell my husband that as much as I love Caden, I can NOT go through this ever again…of course we have 4 kids, so we’re done anyway But, that’s how stressed I was.

About husbands (or other people who secong guess us): My husband never thought I was doing the right thing with all of the Prevacid, Mylanta, etc., and in our case it really didn’t help. BUT, I had to try everything I could to help him, and for many babies Prevacid is a lifesaver! So, don’t give up until you’ve given it plenty of time to work. We were on the correct Marci dose for 6 weeks, but it just never seemed to make much (if any) difference – not sure why…but the point is, when I was SO stressed from the constant all day crying and needed his support, I didn’t always feel that he gave it to me. It was more like he was concerned about ME and thought I had post-partum depression. Even my mom suggested I ask my OB for some anti-depressants. I’m glad I didn’t listen to either of them, because guess what? Now that my baby is past the colicky stage, I’m just FINE I was just worried sick about my baby and was sleep deprived and was tired of the screaming. I think anyone in that position would get a little down! That’s not to suggest that someone who is truly depressed shouldn’t get help of course. I’m just saying that in my case, I felt like everyone was thinking Caden’s colic wasn’t that bad, and it was just the way I was dealing with things. I was furious! He was truly hurting, and it hurt me to see him like that.

So, you have OUR support! We know what you are going through. You can come on here anytime to ask questions, get advice, or just vent! I have done that quite a few times in this journey we have been on. Everyone here will understand, and no one will blame you Plus, I have gotten many helpful suggestions here that have made my life easier (like babywearing and co-sleeping).

Speaking of babywearing: I agree with hellbent – babywearing can be a lifesaver! I currently wear my baby for every nap, because if I put him in his crib, he wakes after 5-20 minutes. If I wear him in a baby carrier, he will sleep usually 1 hour and sometimes up to 2 hours! So, for me it has been a HUGE help. For us, a sling style carrier didn’t work, because Caden doesn’t do well reclined. He prefers being upright (probably due to his reflux), so for us the Mei-Tai style carrier has been perfect. You can do a search for different carriers if you’re interested.

You will get through this! I promise you will. One day you will come on here and tell us how much better your baby is doing. I will look forward to reading that post from you. In the meantime, please come back and read, read, read. Or, if you find yourself becoming kind of obsessed (like I did), take a break from all of the research/reading on reflux for awhile. That really helped me when I was constantly online looking for answers, etc. Now that we’re finished with colic, I like to come here from time to time to try to encourage or maybe even help someone else through my experience.

Take care!

[Anonymous]

Oh, and Sheri – I see you and I have the same MIL! Just kidding…but mine also blamed me for my babies’ colic, especially since all 3 of mine had it! AND, she especially blamed me because I breastfed them, and she is anti-breastfeeding.

That is SO hard when you’re a new mom and not really too sure of yourself anyway. That is the last thing you need…to feel like it’s your fault.

There were many days I just cried and thought I must be the worst mom in the world (with my first baby especially). After he outgrew his colic and reflux, I realized that it wasn’t my fault afterall. However, that didn’t stop her from asking with EACH child if I didn’t think it would be better to “change his diet” (in other words give formula).

And, she would always come up with some silly reason for his screaming, like he just needed a little breeze or that I was holding him too much and he just needed to be put down, etc. As if it was that simple!!! I WISH it were that simple!

[Anonymous]

Emily, I know what you mean about the mil thing. Mine is great and didn’t do that, but so many people have said to me, ” do you think the reflux is due to something you ate during pregnancy”. That is the last thing a mom needs to hear. She is already thinking it has to be something she did wrong. I think everyone of us could say what we did and what we ate during pregnancy and there just would not be a link. Like you Emily I have two babies that have had it and probably every child I have will have it. Sadly I keep thinking if only I don’t do any dairy next time maybe my baby won’t have reflux, but they probably will. In our case, I think it is hereditary (sp). Just thought I’d share. Oh, the reason I say what I did about dairy is because Justice and I both have dairy allergies. I have reflux too, but if I don’t do dairy I am fine. Not sure if Luke also had a problem with dairy.

[Anonymous]

Shelby,

You’re so right. I’m sure all of us have wondered at some point if we could have done something differently or whether it is somehow our fault.

For us, eliminating dairy wasn’t the answer. I wish it was! I did TED and didn’t notice improvement, so I guess there is some genetic component for us unrelated to diet. I’m thinking maybe just immature digestive systems? The reason I say that is all 3 of our boys have been colicky and gassy along with bm issues as well as reflux, so it just seems to make since that their entire digestive system is immature.

As I’ve mentioned before, our other 2 boys outgrew all of this at around 6 months, and Caden is doing SO much better (almost 6 months old now), so I guess the worst is past us at this point (thank goodness).

Have a good weekend 🙂

[Anonymous]

Answer to the MIL issue…just move interstate. We moved from Tasmania (that little island at the bottom on Aussie) to the mainland (as we Aussies call it)…and they hate flying. We have caller ID so their number comes up if they call and we can decide if we answer it. Problem solved

[Anonymous]

At the beginning with Kaelyn my MIL was really hard to handle. She constantly said things like “she doesn’t do that with me, I wonder what you’re doing wrong”. My mom was 12 hours away, so she couldn’t help out much (plus, she was already really sick at that point), but she gave me the best advice. She told me to invite my MIL to everything involving Kaelyn (basically anything that I would have wanted my mom’s help with). So, I told my MIL that I could really use her help distracting Kaelyn on the car ride to the doctor because she hated her car seat. So, she came with me to almost every doctor’s appointment and heard everything that he said. Then, dh and I started calling her saying, we need a quick break and she does so well for you, would you mind watching her for an hour or two? It didn’t take long before she realized that Kaelyn really did have a problem. She still has her moments, but she’s been pretty good about the medical issues ever since.

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