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Print this and send it to your mil. Not sure it will help, but I really wish I had it for when my first son was a baby. I was told I was spoiling him. At Thanksgiving a few years ago my fil got mad at me because really he was tired of hearing my son cry and he said I was spoiling my son. Then his wife got mad at him, my husband chimed in and said yes, I was holding our son too much, and then my sister in law got mad at my mil because she was disrespecting her husband. Thankfully it all ended with my fil telling me he was sorry. I had a major break down in front of the whole family. It was horrible. Anyway, this article would have been great to have. I hope it helps.
infant reflux – why is this so hard?
RMacLean
March 2005
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In order to survive your child’s infant reflux or GERD, you really need to understand that you are not the only one having difficulty managing. Of course, you already know how stressful and exhausting it is, you are living it, but to really understand, from a practical, intellectual standpoint can make all the difference. You need to know that it’s not just you and that it is really, just very hard. There are several aspects of having a baby that is suffering from infant reflux or infant GERD that make it particularly difficult for parents.
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< name=google_ads_ marginWidth=0 marginHeight=0 ="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/ads?client=ca-pub-6828639184981901&dt=1226594933187&lmt=1226594933&at=300x250_as&output=&correlator=1226594933187&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.infantrefluxdisease.com%2Finfant-reflux-stress.php&color_bg=FFFFFF&color_text=000000&color_=000000&color_url=336699&color_border=FFFFFF&ad_=text_&ea=0&frm=0&ga_vid=924891443.1226594933&ga_sid=1226594933&ga_hid=1332952386&flash=9.0.115.0&u_h=768&u_w=1024&u_ah=734&u_aw=1024&u_cd=32&u_tz=-360&u_his=1&u_java=true&dtd=125" Border=0 width=300 scrolling=no height=250 allowTransparency>The emotional stress infant reflux puts on the family can be unbearable and is absolutely limitless. This can affect every single aspect of the entire family. Babies with reflux are well known for spending a great deal of time upset, irritable, crying and even screaming the most intense, piercing screams one could ever imagine. Parents, by nature, are programmed to respond to a crying baby and address the reason behind the crying. It’s heartbreaking for a parent to not be able to help their baby in times of great need. The more the baby cries, the more stressed and upset they can get when unable to comfort and help the baby. Some may even secretly begin to have feelings of dislike or anger towards the baby for being so difficult and unhappy. Such feelings can make the parents feel even worse since they know they are not supposed to feel that way. Feelings of guilt and sorrow can begin to emerge. Guilt over not being able to make the baby stop hurting, and for mothers, also in wondering what they could have done during pregnancy or delivery to cause the baby’s reflux. Parent’s can feel sorrow and deep sadness coming to the realization that the perfect, happy and healthy baby of which they dreamed, does not exist and they instead, have a baby with great health demands and possibly special needs. Many things that other parents and babies are able to do, may not be possible and they almost mourn the healthy baby they had expected and all the things they are missing. Sheer exhaustion can magnify all these feelings as babies with reflux are notoriously poor sleepers, sometimes sleeping only an hour or less at a time through the night. Other children in the family can begin to feel left out or neglected when the new baby demands such intense and constant care far beyond the enormous amount of care that baby’s normally require.
Moms can get particularly tired and frustrated in frequently being the primary caregiver, they can become the only person that has any success in feeding or comforting the baby. This adds extra demands to mom and can leave dad feeling helpless, left out and frustrated in not being able to do more to help. This can indeed put added pressure on the marriage.
Many parents begin feel isolated from their family and friends who just don’t understand how hard it is and how much their baby actually suffering. Well meaning loved ones can sometimes dismiss new parent’s concerns as being over reactions and unwarranted. They may inadvertently blame the parents, saying the baby is spoiled or needs to be left alone to cry it out. This can leave parents feeling like maybe it is their fault or something they are doing wrong, adding to the stress and feelings of guilt. When you are already struggling to get through each day these comments, or lack of support from those you love can be devastating and some may begin to pull away and avoid their family altogether, at a time when they really need all the understanding and support they can get.
Many times, particularly when the baby has GERD and the possible development issues and special needs that can accompany it, mothers may have a difficult time being around other mothers whose children are happy and healthy. Everyone wants their baby to be the smartest and healthiest and when they are not, or begin to fall behind their peers, it can be very difficult to accept.
Doctors, who are expected to know all the answers and fix the baby can become an added burden to parents who perceive them to be unwilling to help or even listen to the parents concerns. They are asked to wait weeks or months for appointments, or test results, and then may not get any real answers or solutions anyway. They are carted from doctor to doctor, each saying the next will help. They are asked to make decisions when they have little understanding of the pros and cons and they do not know whom to ask or where to go for an impartial opinion.
Financial issues can begin to arise, when expensive formulas, medications, and numerous doctor appointments or hospital stays get too much for the household budget.
Overcoming these ever present issues can be a daily battle, but is possible. Some days you will thrive and come out on top, feeling like you can handle anything, other days will be more difficult and you may just want to crawl under a rock. The trick is getting the number of good days to slowly outweigh the bad and there are ways to do this.
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