My family is fighting because of dd's reflux.

[Anonymous]

I don’t even know where to start. I am in the middle of a major battle with Dh’s parents. My mother in law has shown disapproval over how I am handling my dd’s reflux. She has tried to persude me not to go to a GI doctor, switch formula, or medication. My daughter started having problems again last week. She has been crying, arching, not eating etc. Her eczema is flaring and she has the red ring diaper rash. My mother and law came over last week. I mentioned to her that dd is having issues etc. She blew it off and said that dd should have outgrown this. She came over last night to celebrate Halloween. My dd was having another rough day. Later in the evening, my dh and mil went upstairs to give dd a bath. I could hear her crying so I went to check on her. I was told they took a toy away from her and that was why she was upset. After they finished her bath they layed her on the changing table. DD then started screaming. It was the kind of screaming that a baby does when they are in pain… tears and all. I went in the room and instructed mil to sit her up because dd is having reflux. Of course she aurgued with me and said something like “all babies cry… because they are babies.” I then asked her again to sit dd up. She didn’t. I just lost it. We then got in a major aurgument. Mil admited that she doesn’t believe that dd has reflux. She also said I am turning her into a hypochondriac. I needed to get counseling because of what I am doing to my dd. She said she raised three kids and this was normal…. etc… etc… So now DH is caught in the middle of this drama. I feel like I know my child. I know the difference in her cries. DD also has been diagnosed by three different doctors including our GI dr. This is so strange that MIL has such a problem with this. I really don’t know what else to do. Has anyone else had to deal with this?

[Anonymous]

iwould discussit with her as little as possible—never if you can help it. how old is your little one? i don’t think you can turn a baby into a hypochondriac.

my mother in law once asked me, “do you think that maybe she is just spoiled,”—-my daughter’s reflux was severe enough that she ended up needing a fundo before she was a year old.

when one of my twins was feeling short of breath all the time, my MIL said, “do think that maybe that is something she has learned?” turns out she had pretty bad reflux, also, when we got her on a PPI, the shortness of breath went away.

after my girls were diagnosed with celiac, she called me and apologized and said that she thought she undrstood me a little more. celiac just isn’t something i can create—and even if i could i sure wouldn’t do it!!!!!!

i think i have just talked too much about medical things around her, so i need to be careful about my conversations when i am around her. part of the problem is that we have had a lot of medical problems, and part of it is that i am a bit of a medical buff—i like to look things up when i hear about other peoples problems—-obviously i have bored them to irritation—-oh well, i am what i am, and someone has to look out for my kids.

[Anonymous]

Wow, first of all I’m sorry you’re going through that with your MIL. As if GERD isn’t hard enough.

I’d tell her in no uncertain terms to back off. This is your daughter and your MIL has no right to treat her symptoms with such disregard. Just because she has personal issues around her belief as to why a baby cries it doesn’t make it okay for her to force your dd to suffer.

Rest assured you’re a very good mom and we are now much better equipped to manage reflux than parents were in your MIL’s days.

(Personally I think the severity of reflux has increased to be much worse than what may have occurred 20-30 years ago)

[Anonymous]

I feel for you. Many of us have been through that. We had a bad day with Hailey where ped told us that if it didn’t get better to take her to the ER as she was on a feeding strike and they were concerned about dehydration. A less than supportive member of the family at the time told me that if she was raising Hailey then this wouldn’t happen as she has a gentle approach.

As I said, lots of us know where you’re coming from. I don’t have much advice, just hang in there. It’s not your fault.

[Anonymous]

My dd is six months old. She was diagnosed at one month old. Mil was with me at the ER when dd was first diagnosed. She also has been with me at one of my ped visits. My dd has gone on several feeding strikes and she has feeding issues. Mil has watched dd during one of her worst feeding strikes. Yes, I think she has gotten way to involved. It is partially my fault because I have discussed everything to her. Mil wants to babysit dd at least once a week so I felt like she should be informed.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry you are going through this. We have had our share as well.

I am sorry if i sound blaint, but you are her mother and a spend the most time with her. If MIL is being too critical of everyhting you do, i would cut her off from the details as much as possible. I have a very critical and opinionated MIL (beacuse she has 8 children and know best) and her critical opinion just stresses me out and makes me feel like an unfeat mother, so i stopped telling her sifnificant details about my dd health issues. I now research thinsg on my own or ask for some help on this board. The ladies here have been very helpful and understood what i was going through.

Anywyas, sorry about my long answer, but i just felt the need to share that MIL can be nice, but they are not the in charge of parenting your child for you.

hugs and i hope things get better.

Leo

[Anonymous]

So sorry you are going through this. I think we have all had to deal with this in one way or another. My MIL still has issues. Not reflux now, but with his egg allergy and the fact that I limit his intake of sweets (they have dessert everynight of some form). She just doesn’t understand and b/c she is the grand mother and has raised her own children she probably thinks she knows it all. At least that is how my MIL feels. She only lives about a mile away so we are in constant contact even when I don’t want it. I will say that once Cooper stopped spitting things did improve, but we still butt heads and I just avoid talking about those types of things if I can help it. Feel free to vent whenever you need to.

[Anonymous]

oh autumn… how frustrating! i think a lot of us know exactly how you feel. it’s horrible when someone doesn’t ‘believe’ that your baby truly has reflux or that you know what is best.
unless it’s pointless, i would sit down with her and talk about it–tell her that you need her support. with my mil, it would be really hard…!
xxoo

[hellbennt]

I don’t intend to sound like I’m dismissing you by saying I think we’ve all been there! I say it so you know that we are here to support you!

I won’t even go on about MY mil…she wanted me to give baby water to help (yeah like that’ll do it, and aside from the fact that i didn’t want to get baby full from water and mess up my supply, etc) and she has had so many ‘ideas’ I cannot even begin to tell them…

i agree w/ the others- don’t even talk about it with her…if she has to watch the baby, just give written directions maybe- short and to the point- times for meds, meals, etc…

[Anonymous]

What is it with MIL’s? My MIL said the same type things to me. You know your daughter and what is going on. The problem I think has something to do with lack of knowlege on thier part, because back when they had babies there was no reflux or MSPI or anything. You know what your baby needs and your MIL needs to support you. BTW, I would have been furious if my MIL had not listened to a request I made to do anything with my child…reflux or not. Hugs to you!

[Anonymous]

I must be lucky, the worst my mother or MIL ever did was to suggest I try such and such – but they wouldn’t press me if I told them I didn’t think it would be a good plan and why.

The suggestions to date:

Water in a bottle with a bit of corn syrup
a spoonful or two of very runny/liquid Oatmeal/Rice cereal in the evening
and a mention that she may be “getting spoiled from being held too much”

I just set them both straight with the information I’ve gathered to date and they seem fine with that and even cheer with me when we’ve had the right meds on prescription or when a shipment of some kind of reflux supply (carriers, wedges, simply thick, bufferbabies) arrives.

Both have gone through “basic training” with me before I’ve let them in charge of Janna and they’ve grown to be awesome help.

Jsquared2008-11-02 23:01:40

[Anonymous]

Oh I know how you feel. I keep being told by my step-MIL that everything I do is just wrong. That he’s going to choke to death because I’m not doing what I should be. For this reason, I will not leave this woman alone with my child. And after what you witnessed your MIL do, I would definitely not want to leave your poor defenseless daughter with someone who thinks she’s just spoiled! Well not on a bad day. I only trust my own mother with my DS because she knows reflux is REAL and not something a doctor made up! You definitely know your daughter, you know when she’s in pain. Your MIL needs to step back. And you need to make sure your DH is on your daughters side! Just my two cents worth.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all the support. The written instructions are a good idea. I think its a mil thing. I’m a ftm and she has three kids. Right now I am trying to avoid any kind of confrontation. I do think we need to come to some sort of understanding. I just don’t know how to do this. She won’t admit she is wrong!

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry you have to deal with your opinionated & unhelpful MIL on top of GERD. I had the same problem and still deal with her in regard to Landen’s MFPI issues. I got to where I stopped talking to her about my kids medical issues.

Christine really said it the way I was thinking it. I think by “default” I know quite a bit about reflux, intolerance, allergies and other medical issues b/c we deal with it among our family and MIL doesn’t seem to understand it isn’t something we particularly enjoy. We are just forced to tread this territory and educate ourselves about it.

I agree that if you have to, perhaps cut her off and try not to discuss it with her anymore. I, unfortunately have had to tell her no to letting her take my kids places alone b/c I knew she wouldn’t follow landen’s dietary needs, etc. I never told her that is why, b/c once again it would feed into a large converstation about his MFPI that she doesn’t think is an issue. She isn’t the one getting up all night long when he has pork, banana, milk, soy, tomato, etc. And she thinks his ezcema is just there ‘just because’ some kids have it. some people just put blinders on I guess.

Big hugs to you and vent here anytime!

[Anonymous]

I am soo sorry you are dealing with this.

As hard as t his may sound I would give her an ultimatum and then cut ties if she can’t be of a help. Dealing with reflux is hard enough: dealing with it with family that won’t back you up and give you support will make it unbearable.

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