I HATE MY MIL!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

sorry so long, but I need to vent.

So I HATE my mil so much I feel like cramming my fist down her throat. So my little man, Nicholas has been GERD pretty much since the day he was born. My ped and I are working to get him help, but as you know there is no quick fix. It’s a LOT of trial and error. We’ve tried many formulas, meds and he’s currently on Reglan, Prevacid and just swtiched to Nutramigen. My ped says she will prescribe Neocate as a last ditch if the Nutramigen doesn’t help. My ins will cover it, thank God!!

But, I need to give the Nutramigen some time. My mil thinks that she knows everything anyways, definitely thinks she knows everything about babies. So for the past couple of weeks, every time we’re having a bad day, or some new symptom pops up, my dh calls his mommy (which I’ve told him not to). So she flies into action and starts telling me how to “fix” my kid, using her CRAZY home remedies.

Now she thinks I should stop the Nutramigen, which he’s only been on for about 5 days and give him GOATS MILK. When I informed her “over my dead body” she got really snooty and told me that’s what her kids were on and they turned out just fine (which they didn’t they both have health problems). Since my dh worships the ground my mil walks now, its now WW3 at my house over this stupid goats milk thing. I called the ped and she said NO WAY as a formula sub. It doesn’t have enough nutrients for Nicki to survive on. I already knew this, but I humored my dh. Now he thinks I am being too overprotective of my kids, and thinks that I call the ped for everything. We have done nothing but fight for days.

It’s hard enough having a sick kid who cries ALL THE TIME. Why can’t she just be supportive and help me out by watching him so I can get a break or something. This woman better find her place real quick or I will find it for her!! My kids are my life and I would NEVER give them something I thought would harm them and I can’t figure out why my dh would either.

I hate her, I hate her, I hate her!!!!

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry that you’re having such a rough time right now.

Do you think it would help if you invited your MIL to come with you to ped’s appts? That’s what really helped in our situation. My MIL was fairly critical and full of “helpful” ideas until she went to several ped and ped GI appointments. Once she heard how seriously they took Kaelyn’s situation and heard the praise of how we were handling it from the ped, her attitude improved significantly.

[Anonymous]

Kim had a great idea. I think a few other moms have had success with dragging MIL along to the appt. I totally know how you feel about in-laws. Unfortunately our problems stem from LACK of interest on their part!!

I hope that you and DH can come to a resolution or middle ground when it comes to her before it starts to affect your marriage!!!

[Anonymous]

Having a baby with reflux can definitely cause commotion in a family. We moved into a new home when the baby was born so my fil was here every afternoon ,after my dh left for work, to work on the house. What a loving man, but oh, how annoying were his suggestions and constant questions. I had several serious talks with my dh before he told his father that things were really hectic right now and that all worked will be stopped on the house-meaning don’t come to our house everyday anymore! My husband also gave me hard time in the beginning because he didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of giving our baby medicine. I held off because of this and my baby suffered until I finally got him on meds.

MY suggestions to you:

1-If you are baby’s #1 caregiver, you are the one in charge. You have a mommy’s natural intuition that will guide you. If you listen to too many suggestions, you will lose trust in your own intuition. Explain to others that you appreciate their help/ suggestions, but that you know what you are doing with your kids. Exhibit confidence and people will not shower you with advice all the time. Use resources such as this website to get informed and to get guidance from experienced moms of GERD babies.

2-You and your husband need to decide to be on the same page. Having a baby with GERD takes the strength and support of both parents. Decide to work together.

I hope this helps. Thinking about these 2 things every day has helped me and my marriage survive the worst of the reflux days! BIG HUG TO YOU!!!

[Anonymous]

HUGS HUGS HUGS…Mine is just like your’s always meddling and having an opinion and here’s the thing…. Could you imagine LIVING with your MIL? We’ve been doing that since Oct!! Landen got RSV in sept and I lost my job so we moved back to DH’s home state as our house sits on the market down in FL trying to sell. But I SO hear you. I hear it every day. “Do you REALLY need to feed him organic” “are you SURE he can’t have a little ice cream” “maybe he’s outgrown it now, it’s been another week”…she has even gone behind my back to my BIL and SIL and told them that I am just overreacting and that she doesn’t think that there is anything wrong with landen….UM, yeah that is it. I LIKE paing for neocate OUT OF POCKET!!!! I just learned to take a deeeep cleansing breath, ignore her, or simply tell her “I’m definitely not paying xxx amt of money for formula out of pocket for nothing” OR “I know what is best for him” and leave it at that. It’s really really hard when someone gives unsolicited and unwanted advice. Also- maybe your DH will see how great your lo will improve on Neocate and realize it was the best possible move you could make. Try and explain to him it is balanced nutrition. Show him that some of us are paying out of pocket for it and u are getting coverage! That is excellent. jilly782008-01-12 08:15:44

[Anonymous]

HUGS… I know how you feel… way back when we were taking Hailey to the ER for dehydration due to her feeding aversion, mil told dh that if she was raising Hailey then this wouldn’t happen because she has a gentler approach. DH was dumb enough to tell me this. UGH…

Anyhow, my mil was diagnosed with cancer this year, and that kind of put things into perspective for me. I know that she just really thought that she knew best. I know it’s annoying, maddening at times, and I too had very bad thoughts… believe me… bad ones… I found it best just to try to ignore it. DH did not understand- he had blind love for his mother, just like our kids will have for us one day, I pray. BUT I do think that it’s important to present a united front. Few people understand that reflux is serious, not just spitting up, and that we’re not just overreacting. See if you can get DH on the same page as you. BIG HUGS. s&h’s mum2008-01-12 08:26:25

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone for the supprt! NO, I could not imagine living with her. It wouldn’t be very pretty. Anyways, now she’s moved past being mad at me for the time being, and is now mad at my sil for something just as stupid. Oh well, at least it’s not me for now. he he he. =)

[Anonymous]

I wish I had great advice for you, but honestly she’s never going to understand and more than likely your husband is never going to sit down and read any info you give him. I think the best thing to do is tell them both that they are not helping the situation. My fil yelled at me during Thanksgiving because he said I was spoiling my son. My mil proceeded to get angry at him for yelling at me and my sil got angry at her for disrespeting him. Oh, and I forgot to meniton that my husband chimmed in and said that yes I was spoiling our son. What a lovely Thanksgiving that was. The truth is everyone was on edge because my son cryed and cryed and cryed the whole time. People kept trying to hold him and calm him down, but of course nothing worked. As we were leaving a few days later my fil hugged me and apologized to me. He said I was dealing with enough and had probably done everything I could and was basically in survival mode. I proceeded to cry and couldn’t stop. I think I had an emotioinal breakdown at that very moment. All that to say I think we have all dealt with that on some level. I’m sorry your having to deal with it now.

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