Frustrated by what people say sometimes

[Anonymous]

I am really just upset b/c people make comments to my dh and I about Isaac’s health and weight so much. On one end of the spectrum I have people commenting on the types of foods that we give him. One lady actually said that I was going to make him fat by adding butter and oil to everything………yeah thats really not going to happen anytime soon. The other group of people encourage me and dh to take Isaac off of the high fat diet and let him eat how little he wants. They tell me he will eat when he is hungry seriously I just have to laugh at that b/c no he will not eat when he is hungry sometimes. They try to tell me that their children were the same size and it was never a big deal-I would love to know how they remember what size their children were over 20 yrs ago. I had one lady in particular see me feeding him (b/c he will not feed himself anymore) and she said that I was just spoiling him and that if I made him feed himself he would…she even went as far as to say Bring his breakfast to church next week and I will show you how to break him of his bad habbits. Yes someone from my church made that comment and I prompltly went to the bathroom to cry. She was the same lady who told me that it was all in my head (the feeding aversion and weight issues) and that the dr is just going along with me-That could be thought if it wasn’t 3 drs saying that there is a problem.

I guess I feel like I already have enough problems without people making me feel like a bad mom or like I am overreacting. What would you do in situations like this?

[hellbennt]

groceries spoil, not babies!

Spoil those babies because it goes so quickly!!

I would talk to someone at your church? Pastor/Reverend/whatever the Title is…

hang in there!

~laura

[Anonymous]

Laura-Thanks! I love the groceries spoil not babies motto!

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry that people are being so insensitive. It’s really inexcusable for grown adults to act like that.

If I were you when people ask or make a comment I’d just say, “He has a medical condtition and I’d prefer not to talk about it.” If that doesn’t give them a clue to keep their opnions to themselves, then they just don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Argh! That would be frusterating…and worst of all at church…where people “should” be supportive…I agree with Laura though about the spoiling and the talking to the pastor/reverend whomever….thats just not the environment I would think he/she would want to be leader of..

and I feel for you…people who dont know…dont know…Ive had so many people say lame things…like why would I deny my baby solids when she would love them (umm dr said no, and her body doesnt love them yet) and all babies spit up and of course the spoiling thing….yeah well I do carry my baby around alot and wearing her helps her sleep and lets me play with my 2 year old…

Id love for those people to switch spots with you for a day…they’d never handle it.

You are doing a super job and are being the best mommy to your little boy…ignore the ignorant/naive people…

good luck

[Anonymous]

I’m not a very polite person so I would just slap them. Ok maybe not, but I probably would just turn around and walk away when they started to say stuff like that. Heck if they can be rude, well they deserve it and certainly not your time!

But Laura’s idea was probably also pretty good, have a talk to someone at the church and see how that goes. I agree with Shannon that they wouldn’t be impressed by this kind of “support”.

Maybe you could take a jar with you, with a sign on it saying, “please deposit $1 for every bit of unsolicted advice” and when you get these comments hold out the jar with a very innocent and sweet smile planted on your face (LOL)

Sorry I can’t be of more help, people say whatever they like these days and most aren’t really that apologetic or open to understanding. So just spend your time on the people who matter and support you and kick the rest to the curb- sorry I think I borrowed that last bit from my favourite American- Dr Phil (besides you ladies of course!!!!)

[Anonymous]

I understand your frustration very well… my mother-in-law is the one driving me crazy saying things like we’re overconcerned, we should let him cry sometimes because it’s good for his lungs, she would get him to sleep or stop crying grrrrrrrrr. What I do is avoid meeting her but that’s not easy if she wants to see her grandson every 2 days! Try not to take it too personally and think people who don’t have a reflux baby don’t know what it’s like so they just can’t say anything useful!

[Anonymous]

Oh Sarah, I really feel for and my heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how insensitive people are. I had to deal with a few myself and they were family. My FIL’s wife accused me of spoiling Brodie when I brought food for him instead of giving him what she was cooking. This was when he just turned 1, and was mostly still eating purees. She said and what is Brodie going to eat. I said I brought some food for him and she said that’s because he’s spoiled, or the time she said Brodie isn’t taking enough formula, so and so is 5 months younger and drinking this much. Then she just said to me that she thinks her grandson is going to be a high maintenance baby like Brodie!! I wanted to scream!!! People have no clue if they haven’t lived in our shoes!!!!!!!!!! I love what Christine suggested:

“He has a medical condtition and I’d prefer not to talk about it.”

Hugs to you for being such a strong and dedicated Mommy!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the support! I really appreciate all of your replies. Sometimes this whole reflux and feeding problem thing really gets to me.

I love the $1 jar idea-I think we would all be millionaires!lol

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry people are acting that way…especially at church…people told me that Brianna had several of her problems (waking from naps and crying, etc) becuase I spoiled her. I wanted to tell them to kiss my hinney, but I didn’t. I just stopped caring, becuase most of these people don’t have a clue what they are talking about…and Isaac is your baby not thiers, so it is your business, not thiers what you are or aren’t doing with him.

Laura, I love the grocery line! That is fabulous!

[Anonymous]

Big hugs to you Sarah – I’m so sorry you’re having to hear this. You are a

WONDERFUL mom and Isaac is so lucky to have you. I totally know what you

mean though – people are just so insensitive, probably mainly from

ignorance, sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Sarah,

I know how you feel. With both girls, I have had so many comments made to me on how to feed my child. Alexis who is 2 1/2 years old still doesn’t like to self feed very much so I end up feeding her most of the times. There has been so many comments on how she will eat when she is hungery, yeah right, that would be 1 potato chip and she would be done! With Taylor we have to bounce with her to take a bottle. Everyone tells me, oh, if they feed her they wouldn’t have to bounce. I have given those people, friends, sister in law the opportunity to do it for themselves and see for themselves, it doesn’t work! Then they make comments like, well, they are so accustom to my routine that now they have to eat that way. My sister in law made a comment if she had Alexis for 1 week, she would eat on her own, so I did give her Alexis for 1 weeks, and yep, no luck! She doesn’t make comments anymore but I know she still thinks it! My mother in law is very understanding of everything that we have to go through with these girls and so are my parents. For holidays when we go visit the in laws, my MIL always calls to tell me the menu to make sure Alexis would eat what she is making, if not she will typically make something else for her or picks up something, she just wants her to eat I have very thankful for that. She is never offended when I bring my own food for her. I just learn to keep my mouth shut and just ignore what people say, I guess I am just numb to it, since I know better, I know what these girls have gone through and if that is the only way they eat, so be it!!!

Also regarding adding extra butter, oils etc I wouldn’t worry about it since they need higher caloric intake. I just had an appointment with Taylor’s dietician yesterday and even though she seems to be putting on weight fine except for the weight loss due to the stomach flu. Anyways, she wants us to get her to take in at least 800 calories a day she is only getting about 400-500 a day, she wants her to have 2 egg yolks a day, 2-3 tsp of oil (flax, avocado, soy, olive) doesn’t matter, 2 oz of pureed meats add fatty foods such as mashed up avocados, lots of fruits, even hummus, and potato flyers made by pirate booties. She says babies need the fats to develop their brain. Not to worry at this time about obesity since they are so active.

Alexis’s mom2007-1-9 14:36:45

[Anonymous]

Sarah, BIG BIG BIG hugs! Boy do I understand where you’re coming from. One time when Hailey was a few months old and we had to take her to the emerg for dehydration we called my mother in law to tell her what was happening- that Hailey wouldn’t eat and the ped wanted us to take her to the ER. She responded with “Well she feels your stress and if I had her then she wouldn’t have all these problems because I have a gentler approach. Babies eat when they’re hungry and if you force them they won’t eat”. She also once told me that Hailey’s feeding aversion was due to me being a bad cook (well, actually she told dh and he was stupid enough to tell me!!). When I told my sil a few weeks ago that Hailey had a hearing loss and needed tubes, her response was “Do you really want your baby to have surgery?”.

I guess my point is that even people with the best intentions can say things that are hurtful. Usually they don’t mean to be… they want to help but are totally ignorant. I’ve learned to ignore the ignorant, but I also understand that every once in a while the sting hurts too much to bear.

Before I had Hailey, I was very judgmental about other parents. I never said anything, but I would think it. When I heard that babies didn’t sleep, I blamed the parents. When a child wouldn’t eat, I never imagined that it could be literal. Now I know different. But if I hadn’t lived it and seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t believe it either. So in some way, I can understand where people are coming from. But I wish that they would keep their evil, idiotic comments to themselves, despite what they think.

The best advice I can give is to do your best not to let it bother you. If you feel the need to tell people something (which I usually don’t), Tell people that Isaac has medical problems that you don’t want to talk about and that you receive your guidance on how to feed him from the people involved in his care. Hopefully that will shut them up.

I know it’s hard, but do your best to let their comments slide off your back, and then come here (or wherever) and surround yourself with people who understand. We get it. We understand. Isaac is lucky to have you on his side, so know that you can’t spoil him, and do whatever you need to do. Hang in there. HUGS.

s&h’s mum2007-1-9 15:19:38

[Anonymous]

UGH! People need to just mind their own business, especially when they don’t know what they’re talking about!! I love it when people try to tell me that “all babies cry” or “a lot of babies spit up”. Really?? I didn’t know that! Do they scream in pain and refuse to eat? Do they projectile vomit what looks like their entire bottle?

My father in law talks to my sister in law about this, and she fills his head with misinformation (she works in a dr’s office, but not in a pedi or a gi office, so she doesn’t really know much, but they think she does…), then my mother in law keeps saying how her 1st son had all these problems, and finally she just put him on whole milk at 6 months and he was fine. I AM NOT PUTTING MY MSPI DAUGHTER ON WHOLE MILK AT 6 MONTHS! She’s still recovering from the Nutramigen! They also think that just having the rice cereal in her formula is helping her, they can’t seem to understand that she’s got the allergy/protein intolerance which then makes the reflux worse, no matter how many times I tell them!

I do think many people are just trying to be positive and well meaning, but when they have no idea about all the details, they should either ask you questions or learn more about it from a reputable source, or just not say anything!

I know I probably didn’t help you with the problem much, but hang in there, and just try to avoid the people as much as possible who say these stupid things!!

[Anonymous]

Denise-Big hugs! I think we all have the “positive” influences that are really negative!

[Author]

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