Falling Apart

[Anonymous]

Hey,

I don’t have much to add to the whole medication discussion, but I just wanted to say that I totally empathize with you. I have never really gotten to that point myself, but those days when Ben won’t stop screeching and won’t eat and Claire is driving me up a wall, I can totally understand how someone could. It is so hard to be a mommy of a refluxer, and I really think that breastfeeding a refluxer is even more difficult as well.

All of that to say… hang in there. Please don’t think you are alone. Please know that your daughter loves you, heart and soul. And while every single day, even every minute sometimes seems like a horrible reality, know that it will all eventually be a memory that will continue to fade as your daughter grows and thrives from all the love you have given her. I know this is all hard to remember in the moment… really I do… sometimes I just have to keep reminding myself to take it one day at a time, holding on to those good moments.

[Anonymous]

She is my light and the only thing I have to hold onto in the darkest moment. Thank you

[Anonymous]

If you feel the need for medication, I would push your psychiatrist/prescribing physician for the reason he refuses to prescribe you an antidepressant. Perhaps he hasn’t ruled out bipolar disorder? Antidepressants can worsen bipolar disorder, by either causing depression to worsen (eg homicidal or suicidal thoughts) or go the other way and trigger manic like symptoms. Have you ever been on an antidepressant? If so, what was your response? If they have worked for you in the past, chances are they will work for you now.

Also, I know many physicians think borderline personality disorder (which is an Axis II diagnosis) isn’t treatable. This is unfortunate. If you feel this might be the belief of your physician, I would confront him, and remind him that you also have an Axis I diagnosis of Major Depression that is considered treatable.

Are you in therapy? Therapy can be a wonderful tool. If you have a therapist, perhaps he/she can advocate for you?

I wish you and your daughter the best of luck!!!

Heidi

[Anonymous]

I lost my old therapist due to an insurance change and I hate it. My new one is horrable and I miss my old one so much but cant afford to pay him out of pocket.

Axis II are treatable with therapy but no medication. If I still had my old therapist I might make headway but for now, Im spinning my emotional wheels.

We have been trying to find a medication that would truly work for me since I was diagnosed at age 16 with Borderline personality disorder. I wasnt given the diagnosis of Bi-Polar until I was 25 and so then they were trying a whole different classification of medications. I have been on about 30 medications total since I was 16.

Im also a diabetic and most antidepressents and anti psychotics cause severe raises in blood sugars. There is one group that doesnt and when I was put on Abilify, which is in this group of meds, I developed Retardive disconesia (sp?)

I just moved to SC and this psychiatrist has only seen me two times and both times he pretty much refused to help me all on the soul basis of me bf’n. He told me if I could find another doctor willing to treat a bf’n mom then go see them until I was done.

[Anonymous]

I’m not trying to offer you medical advice, as I am not your doctor, and I don’t know your complete history. I just want to offer you a little more information, that your psychiatrist might not have explained to you. Mood stabilizers (medications used to treat bipolar), unfortunately, are not as safe in breastfeeding as antidepressants. Depakote is a possible one you could take (perhaps the highest recommended one with breastfeeding, the least with pregnancy). It can cause weight gain, and that can worsen your diabetes. You could also take Omega-3, some studies have shown this can help bipolar, and this could be good for your baby as well. I’d talk to your doctor about possible options and the risks and benefits of medications again.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. I think Im just going to have to switch doctors or get my regular md prescribe something because this psych wont budge and he says that my depression is more important to treat than my mania. Also depakote caused me to gain 40 pounds last time and Im already considered morbidly obese so I dont need anymore help gaining more lol

[Anonymous]

Good luck, and best wishes!!!

[Anonymous]

Oh, my goodness! What a tough road you have had! I truly feel for you, and wish SO much that you could get fast answers and relief. Motherhood is hard enough without depression and reflux to weigh you down.

I applaud your strength with continuing breast feeding. You have given a great gift to your little one. And I COMPLETELY understand your feeling that giving it up would mean giving up that one joy you feel you have left. I respect that so much.

But, I just want to put something out there…a friend of mine went through a VERY similar thing. And a doctor finally said to her, “I know you feel rare joy when you breast feed your son. And I know how much you must look forward to that. The trouble is, you aren’t looking forward to any other part of your day. Consider this: if you quit breast feeding in order to get put on the best medication for you, you will indeed lose that joy. But, with the right medication, you will find joy everywhere else. And while you will never be able to replace the feeling you had while breast feeding, you will have SO much else to live for”. She did quit breast feeding. It was very hard for her. But, doing so allowed her to try out different meds and combination of meds. She got out of that darkness in which she had been living, and got to enjoy the REST of motherhood.

Whatever happens, as everyone else here has said, you are NOT alone. Do not give up.

[Anonymous]

Thanks

[Author]

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