Emotional Roller Coaster

[Anonymous]

I just feel helpless today. Sometimes I feel like I am imagining the reflux stuff because the medications seem to be working and then I will see signs of reflux appearing again. Last night, Jackson had a terrible choking incident that brought both he and I to tears. He is napping poorly and spits up a lot. Every time I think that we have things under control, we have a flare up.

On Sunday, I went to the grocery store while my Mother babysat Jackson. I very rarely try to take Jackson anywhere because it seems to upset him and there is just no telling when a screaming episode will begin. So, we just stay low key at the house. While at the store, I saw 2 mothers with their babies. The babies were around Jackson’s age. One was peacefully looking at his Mommy while they strolled the isles and the other was sleeping soundly in his car seat. I just wanted to cry (in fact, I did when I got in the car). I always imagined taking my precious baby boy on outings and just enjoying life together. I do not mean to sound catty, but I felt jealousy that I could not take him places. Do not misunderstand- I would not trade my son for the world- I just want for him to feel better.

I have been trying to get an appointment with a specialist for weeks. My doctor’s nurse called me yesterday to say that they did not have appointments with doctors until JUNE! She said that she set up an appointment with a nurse practitioner for December. I have not been impressed with my pediatrician’s office in the past, so I called to see if there were earlier appointments. The specialist’s office said that there were appointments in January but that they would probably be gone by mid morning and that my son was not even in the system!!! So, I called my pediatrician’s office and the nurse said that I would just have to wait. She said that they were dealing with sick patients this morning and that my son would have to take a back seat. I was furious since they were the ones that claimed to have made an appointment but failed to do so. I told her that I considered my son to be sick since he is choking on a regular basis and is wheezing. She said that she would call me right back, but it has been almost 3 hours.

I a just tired of this whole thing. One day, I feel like things are under control and the next, Jackson is back to square one. I have one family member, who sees Jackson one time per month, who thinks that I am overreacting and medicating a healthy baby. When do things get easier?
klmccart2007-11-14 12:13:28

[Anonymous]

Hi there. Many of us moms on this board have cried many tears of frustration and sadness over the very same thing you are describing. We all imagine a cute, cuddly, happy baby when we are pregnant, and when we find ourselves trapped in the house with a chronically irritable baby, we can’t help but feel sad, and even envious of those moms and happy babies. I couldn’t take my refluxers anywhere either. My first refluxer would start screaming the second I put her in her carseat, and she’d scream all the way to the store, the entire time I was in the store, all the way home, and then I’d have to hold her while she continued to scream so I could put the groceries away. Needless to say, I learned to stay home!

My son didn’t scream as much, but he puked constantly so everytime I took him somewhere he’d splatter the walls or leave a puddle of puke somewhere. I finally gave in to staying home and I spent 7 months never leaving the house except to drop my pre-schooler off at pre-school, or to take the kids to the doctor when needed. I’d make a mad dash to the grocery store 2 or 3 times a week, and that was it. It was depressing to say the least.

So, I fully understand what you are going through, and I’m sure lots of moms on the board do to. Just hang in there and know that there will be a time when all of this is all behind you and you’ll be running around town with your little cutie without a second thought.

Also, the ups and downs of reflux are common. Both on meds and off of meds, we had days that were better than others. That’s why they often call it the reflux rollercoaster. Don’t let others who have no experience with reflux make you feel bad or doubt yourself. You’re the mom and if you think something is wrong with your baby, you’re probably right. I used to doubt myself too, and my dh used to tell me I was imagining it all. But once my son was properly medicated he was a new child, so obviously my mother’s intuition was right on, and I’m sure your’s is too.

I hope you get in to see the specialist soon. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much for responding. I felt guilty about sharing my feelings of jealousy, but you made me realize that it is normal. I just feel like every Mom that I meet says “my child is just sooo laid back!” I have a lot of family and friends who are having babies and all of the babies are calm, good sleepers and happy. I just wish that Jackson was content and comfortable too. It makes me feel sad. Whenever I say something like, “I just cannot wait until Jackson grows out of this,” people say “Do NOT wish away this precious time.” But, they do not have a clue what this is like on a daily basis.

It is so nice to be able to communicate with other Moms who are dealing with this same issue. I cannot imagine living without this site!

[Anonymous]

We’ve definitely all been there! The good news is that it does get better! There were times in Kaelyn’s early months when I would be so depressed and convinced that we were never going to have a day free of spit up and screaming, and now we have a pre-schooler enjoying a fairly normal childhood! There is still a lot of screaming, but it’s the kind that unfortunately seems to go hand in hand with toddler temper tantrums.

[Anonymous]

Oh, wow, I really sympathize with you!!! I have said/thought so many of the same exact things you just posted today!!

I’ve had two reflux babies, and I admit that I cried as much as they did until we found relief (and that was a LOT of crying). You are definitely not alone, although I know it feels that way sometimes. With my second son, when we would make a trip to the grocery store early on, he would stay in his carrier about 2 seconds and then my husband would have to pick him up while he screamed and screamed the whole time. People would give us looks like we were crazy, like why don’t you make that baby calm down or something…as if we didn’t know how to soothe our own baby. Most people who haven’t dealt with reflux babies just can’t imagine how hard it really is — that the best soothing techniques don’t amount to much when the baby is really hurting. And I would see other babies his age sleeping away while the parents shopped…it made me so sad. I hate reflux because it steals those early times where we as parents should be able to just enjoy our babies. I’ve never gotten to do that, and it’s so sad.

And about the family member thing — I can relate there, too. It used to drive me crazy when my first son, who I knew there was something wrong with, would act just fine in front of visitors. It made it look like it was all in my head, and it drove me nuts. It took me a long time to figure out it was reflux because of this. But now with my second refluxer, I wasn’t even surprised when this sort of thing happened. I trusted myself a lot more this time around, and that’s what you’ve got to do. Give yourself a pat on the back for doing everything you can to help your baby. Trust your intuition, and though you’ll probably make some mistakes (I certainly have), you absolutely, without a doubt, know your baby better than anyone else in the world. You will get the answers you need, and you will have a happy baby soon.

I’m sorry you’re having trouble with the doctor. Have you considered switching? I hope you can get to see the specialist soon, but I have to tell you that he may not be the solution if he won’t give you a high PPI dose — that is SO important. The specialist I saw with my first son would not, so I didn’t even try to get an appointment with him for my second son. I finally found a pediatrician who would give us the 30 mg Prevacid prescription, and the rest I can figure out from the awesome moms on this site!!

I’m trying to remember…did your little guy just start on Prevacid? What dosage? How old is he?

Sorry to go on and on. I just wanted to say that I really hope things improve soon — and they will 🙂

[Anonymous]

I have been there. I know it might not help the situation much, but being in a support group like this one and crying when i needed to helped a lot. Like Christine, i hardly left the house. I stillhave myhand full but its way better.

Soon, you will start enjoying your baby more and this will be part of the past

[Anonymous]

He is on prevacid solutabs- 15 mg/ day and then he takes zantac at night- 1.5 ml/2 x’s day. He has been on the prevacid for 1.5 weeks. He spit up half of his dose today though! The doctor wants for me to stop the zantac next week, but I do not think that I am just going to cut him off of it. I may try to slowly wean him to see if he still needs it. I wish that the doctor was more receptive to 30 mg/ day of prevacid. My son is almost 12 weeks old and weighs around 12 pounds. I have no idea what the specialist will do, but the pediatrician said that he would not increase the PPI dose and that a specialist would have to do that. He has never prescribed more than 15 mg/ day.

You all are so right- a support group like this does wonders. It is so comforting to know that I am not alone. This is one of the most emotional experiences of my life!

[Anonymous]

Don’t feel guilty for how you feel… we have all been there!!! I’ve thought, said, and done things that I never thought I would, just because of the stress of the situation. It’s hard not to feel envious of parents who are having an easy time with their babies. Especially when people constantly minimize the situation by saying “it’s just a little spit up”. That’s why this place is so amazing.

I went through the exact same thing with Hailey for a long time, compounded by the fact that we couldn’t go anywhere b/c of the sleep feeding. People on this site always told me to try to go somewhere, or to get someone to look after her for a little while to give me some relief. I always made excuses why we couldn’t do it, and we pretty much spent the first year of her life confined to the house.

In retrospect, I really wish that I had taken her out more despite the situation, and let other people watch her more often. Being cooped up in the house all the time wasn’t good for my mental health or for Hailey’s. She actually became quite fearful of social situations, and it took a while to get over that.

As for the GI appointment, keep calling your ped’s office until they give you a refferal. Check out the link in Laura’s intro for GI recommendations and then call and see if anyone else can see you. Also ask to be put on the cancellation list.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I also just wanted to add that it really does get better. I used to wonder what the heck was wrong with my child to make her scream like that all the time. I’ve been on the site for a long time, and while most babies were outgrowing their reflux around 9 months, we weren’t one of them… I often thought that things would never get better.

All I can say now is that Hailey is the sweetest, most adorable, lovable and precious child. Things did get better with time, and I honestly believe that her nature and personality have been formed and shaped by this experience- almost like a little pain for a lifetime of gain.

Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

I spent most of the time between Gabby’s six weeks and six months sobbing off and on. It honestly was the hardest time in my life, but I’m at the point now that we’re actually considering a 2nd. Gabby is still on meds at 15 months and we’re hoping to wean soon. For us, things started looking up when Gabby was put on 30 mgs at 8 months. Finally, at 12 months (when we should have started giving up the bottles) Gabby started asking for her bottles and we no longer had to sleep feed her.

While she is still a small eater, she is growing normally and is the happiest toddler ever. I just want to reiterate IT DOES GET BETTER. Even with reading the boards religiously, I thought it’d never end. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Just a reminder, not to be redundant, but are you giving the solutabs on an empty stomach and then following it up with a feeding 30 minutes later? This is very important in getting the full effect of the medication.

Talk about this being an emotional time, I was chatting with an expectant mom friend of mine today about babies and stuff and I started telling her what those reflux days were like. Talking about it brought back so much sadness. It’s just plain hard and it shouldn’t have to be that way. I sure hope things improve for you soon.

I think you’re wise to keep him on the Zantac for now. Do you have an appt. with a specialist? Sometimes family docsa are actually more compassionate towards babies with reflux and less conservative in their dosing, so maybe that’s worth a try for you. My son was treated by a family doc who did agree to the marci-kids dose, though it did take some convincing on my part.

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