Don’t think I can do it anymore

[Anonymous]

I just want to give a big AMEN to what everyone else has said. You are a fabulous mom, and both your children are so lucky to have you. I have a lot of awe and respect for the fact that you have been on TED for almost three months now! I just can’t imagine. I also agree that you need some “me” time. Even if it is just for 20 minutes while your DH watches the children so you can take a stroll around the block. You deserve that time (and more really, but whatever you can get works). I will pray for you and Ben. My only other suggestion is have you thought about another form of prevacid? I only say this becuase while Zegerid did seem to help Brianna’s reflux, the other side effects were so much worse that we switched her back.

HUGS!

[Anonymous]

Laura: I’m not totally TED bare bones, but close. I’ve added some fruits and vegetables back, but haven’t added anything in quite some time – first because he had RSV and I didn’t want to add to the mix, and now because he just started cereal, and I wanted to be sure that we only had one addition to deal with at a time. Quite honestly, I want to chuck the whole diet out the window and maybe just stick with a soy/milk free diet instead. While he has improved over time, I really don’t think it’s made as much difference as just plain old maturity has.

Christine: Yes, I do have OAL, and it it a constant battle. I mostly feed him from one side and take him off when my milk lets down (he HATES this). This helps a lot, and he is doing better with it too. Today, thankfully, has been better. He didn’t sleep his morning nap, but has seemed a little more comfortable, and he is eating MUCH better too. Still spitting like a fountain, but what else is new? I think he may still have some fluid in his ears from his ear infection too. He keeps messing with them and scratching his head above his ears while eating. I don’t think they are still infected though, as there is no fever and he doesn’t mind me messing with them. I’m going to try a decongestant, and see if that helps.

Thank you all again. I think I’m past my moment of insanity. Thanks for helping me through it!

[Anonymous]

Man, I am so glad I found this site. I can’t say it enough!

I too prayed like nobody’s business that my second baby wouldn’t have to go through this. I am still feeling so resentful. To everybody and anybody, including the baby. I have thought the most horrid things about wishing we’d not had anymore children afterall. I honestly don’t know if I want any children after this. And I used to wonder how people could decide when they were done. I wanted to have lots of kids! I feel selfish for thinking that, because the poor little things are the ones really suffering. And I loooooooooooove him to pieces, but I am just about to snap! I don’t want to hear his ear piercing scream for one more second. I don’t want to get up in the night 3 times to feed him only to hear more screaming. I don’t want to wake up to a house that looks like hell and not be able to leave it. I am yelling at my 2 yr old constantly, getting him in trouble for every little thing, even though I know its all for attention. I want my DH to just leave me alone in the marital sense. It has totally torn me up. And the guilt for thinking all of this is too much. Add sleep deprivation, and it’s enough to make you go bonkers.

My DH came home today for lunch and seemed annoyed. So I asked and he says the house is a wreck. I wanted to say F U! I don’t know what he thinks goes on all day. He doesn’t get off until 1100 at night, and usually the baby is asleep for a good stretch ( after being up and screaming all day ). I never ask him to deal with the baby in the night, I feel like he needs to be ok to get up for work. Then he’ll say how tired he is. I take the baby downstairs so I don’t disturb him or older DS. I think he really thinks that I make it out worse than it really is. He has said things like I need to be “happier”. I know he is frustrated too, that he can’t fix everything.He hears him screaming for an hour or so at his lunch break. And he has even said he doesn’t know how I do it. So this comment was just too much. I just broke down crying. I don’t have time to take a shower, brush my teeth, eat, go to the bathroom, get dressed. I don’t have time to pay attention to our first child. But your right, the house needs to be spotless. Agggg!

You all are truly my lifeline, and I would be so lost with out you!!

Tina

[Anonymous]

Gosh, you sound just like me a year ago. I was so sick of this house and the mess, but I couldn’t go anywhere because Myles was either screaming or puking or both, and it was an endurance event to feed him, so we just stayed home in our pigsty day after day after day. I used to say that my girls may as well pack their bags and move out because they were basically on their own. All I had time to do for them was dress them, bathe them, feed them and put them to bed, and even that was nearly impossible. It didn’t help matters that dh used to tell me, “Other moms cope, you can too.” I never said I couldn’t cope…..I said it was hard, and I said I was tired, and I asked for help. Does that mean I can’t cope? The other thing dh always said is, “be thankful it’s not cancer and he’s not going to die on us.” Talk about trying to make me feel guilty. Of course I was thankful it wasn’t cancer or something else fatal, but caring for a screaming, puking infant 24/7 is exhausting and can wear anyone down. No one can understand how hard it is except another mom who’s had a reflux baby.

Hang in there. It really does pass and your life will go back to normal again.

Naomi,

I’m glad to hear you and Ben are feeling a little better today.

[hellbennt]

Naomi: by all means eat what you want if you don’t think the diet is ‘doing’ anything!!

Tina: omg I feel for you! that’s how I got so ‘into’ babywearing- I couldn’t do ANYTHING & jonah was screaming (actually it was more like shrieking/howling) nonstop- I then resorted to taking a shower WITH him, in the (solerveil) sling, bcse there were times I just couldn’t put him down…there’s a post somewhere about it- at first I thought he was scared silent bcse he put his little face in my chest and was breathing heavy- well wouldn’t you know, he fell asleep!!! so yeah, I had a little turkey ball on my chest, but he wasn’t howling and I was able to at least shower in quiet, if not alone…

[Anonymous]

Laura, you have no idea how badly I want to just go back to eat whatever, but I am terrified that it will make things worse, and the thought of waiting weeks for it all to clear out my system and his, makes me very nervous about it. I know I could just go back on it, if that were the case, but it’s the fear of the unknown right now.. you know?

[Anonymous]

Laura,

I have been wearing him lots, but it is still hard to get anything done, but like you said- going to the bathroom, even if not alone, is a blessing. Cooper does that too, buries his little face in my chest but he is out, so I don’t move him! Sometimes I just have to put him in his bed or carseat and just let him do is thing, though. Between him and my older son, I just get so tired of someone needing something from me! It’s like I just can’t take anyone touching me after a point. Then DH comes home from work and needs his time… it’s like I have three boys…

I am looking forward to that wonderful day when the meds kick in and he sleeps at least somewhat through the night! I could take him waking up to eat if I knew it wasn’t going to be followed by screaming!! I’m sure he would like that too!

On a side note: I had to bend over the crib really far last night ( older son still likes his crib… ) to give kisses etc… All of a sudden this hot, burning stinging liquid was in my throat and I had to gasp and swallow over and over to get it back down and washed away. My eyes were stinging! I had to run and get a drink! I have never had that happen, even while preggo. I can’t imagine my or any other baby having to go through that all the time. I wanted to scream! Evil!!!

Tina

tklavender2007-3-3 11:19:15

[hellbennt]

naomi,

try adding in some beans? that would give you some more variety?

or, you could try some hidden dairy- like a handful of cheese crackers and then wait 4 hours to see if there’s a reaction…if not try again…then you could always cut out the hidden dairy if that doesn’t work (go back to no dairy)…I don’t think you’d get reactions for the full 2wks to get the (hidden) dairy out of your system…probably just following you eating it- so maybe eat a handful of cheesits or whatever, cheddar bunnies or cheddar fish for breakfast

just a thought…

[Anonymous]

You know, I broke down two weeks ago, and I ate half of a cinnamon roll. I had just had it! Well, it had milk, wheat, soy, and eggs in it! I thought.. .this is a good test. Well, he seemed fine, nothing unusual after I ate it. However, about 2 days later, his poop smelled and looked awful.. mucous, some dark brown specks… scared me. My husband just thinks it was his body getting used to new food, but I don’t know. I didn’t even put two and two together at first because the poo happened so long after I ate the food. Maybe it wasn’t even it. Who knows!!!

I’m tired of examining poo though. He started cereal on Monday, and today his poo looks weird. I’m not sure what to do about it.

[Anonymous]

HUGS, HUGS, HUGS, to everyone who is having a rough time right now.

Like I said, I used to be in the depths of despair with our situation. My kids were 20 months apart, and Hailey was supposed to be my easy baby b/c Sarah was having seizures. And then she was born….

and all hell broke loose. She didn’t stop crying (literally) for over 6 months. There was nothing we could do to stop it. I had to wear her in a sling while I was sitting on the toilet b/c she wouldn’t let us put her down. She was up all night. She wouldn’t eat and had to be sleep fed and even that was hit or miss. She was arching so much that I could barely hold her but at the same time she wouldn’t let me let her go. If we left the house at all, she would scream so hard until she vomitted and choked up the feeding that took me almost 2 hours to get into her. We were being threatened with a feeding tube. And no understood. They said all babies spit up. Or gave useless advice that applies to normal babies.

I spent my time walking around the house, trapped, cursing her and everyone else for what I could have possibly done to deserve this. I said terrible things to Hailey and dh, and everyone else who rubbed me the wrong way. I cut myself off from friends for over a year b/c I couldn’t stand to hear about easy children or kids that slept.

And then something clicked. Things were still really hard, but I started to see Hailey as little person, instead of this screaming thing. She started getting older, and sweeter, and more loving and adorable. She started to be about something other than reflux. We still have tough times with feeding problems and her lack of sleeping, but not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for having given me these children- reflux, feeding aversions, seizures, and all. They are my life, and even though it hasn’t gone away, it’s gotten so much easier and so much better.

It WILL get better for you too. In the meantime, hang in there. Surround yourself with people who understand and love you. Get help if you need to. Surround yourself with friends, and take all the support you are offered. Don’t isolate yourself, otherwise it becomes all about the reflux.

I used to wonder if this would ever end. I still do sometimes. But I know that things change, and it will change for you too. I now look at Hailey and I can’t believe what an amazing child she is. I honestly believe that other than being the loves of our lives, these children will grow to amount to great things. They are figters, and they are strong. Hang in there.

s&h’s mum2007-3-3 15:9:59

[Anonymous]

Gosh, Lori, that totally made me tear up. Thank you so much for sharing that. I try so hard to see Ben for who he is beyond the reflux and I want a life that is not centered on reflux and all the hell it brings. Thank you.

[Author]

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