Home › Forums › Infant Reflux Information › Miscellaneous › Pacifier Frustration
- This topic has 12 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 15 years, 4 months ago by
Anonymous.
-
AuthorPosts
-
February 10, 2009 at 1:05 pm #60916
Anonymous
InactiveHi again everyone!
We have a 4 1.2 month old MSPA and reflux baby who we think is finally on the right track in feeling better. She doesn’t scream in pain any longer but we’re starting to find that our constant attention through her lifetime might be working against us.
To keep her content with all the stomach ailments she’s endured, we consistently have held her, swaddled her, and given her a pacifier whenever she called (screamed) for it. We’re finding now that when she isn’t getting what she wants that she doesn’t scream the way she used to. Instead, she’s just yelling for it.For example, if she is playing in her exersaucer and puts one of the toys in her mouth, the second she realizes it’s not her pacifier, she begins yelling and fussing about it. When she’s in her carseat, she’ll pull her bib (which she always wears because she’s a spitter) to her mouth and realize it’s not a pacifyer and begin fussing…loudly.My question is – does this sound familiar to you and can we expect it to subside soon? She is still swaddled during sleep times and we think that because of it she has a hard time self-soothing herself. Her older sister didn’t have any of these issues and we really don’t know what we should do. Should we stop swaddling? Should we stop giving her nuk at every request? Or, should we continue as we have knowing that we always have to hold/entertain/nuk her.Thanks!danielclubs 2009-02-10 13:16:53 February 10, 2009 at 1:18 pm #60917InactiveBoth my boys were paci-addicts early on (ie: were not happy unless that thing was in their mouth 24/7). We started limiting paci use around 4 mths old to only during nap/bedtime (obviously we still used it if necessary but tried to get through “playtime” w/o it). This seemed to help a lot w/ the needing it for sleep as well. We started limiting it some during sleep once we stopped swaddling (but not before since like you said they can’t self-soothe @ all while swaddled).
However, I certainly would NOT limit use (during nap/bedtime especially) until you are positive the reflux & intestinal pain is under control.
HTH
February 10, 2009 at 3:14 pm #60922InactiveThank you for your response!
It really does seem that she is feeling well. In fact, when you take away the toy that is frustrating her she continues content behaviors. She just gets irritated when she doesn’t get what she wants. And, in all honesty, she has received immediate attention when she wants it from birth. Now, she expects it.She used to cry whenever she was awake. Now, she’s beginning to explore her surroundings and she doesn’t know how to deal to life without immediate response or a nuk placed in her mouth.February 10, 2009 at 5:06 pm #60928hellbennt
Keymasterkeep giving her that immediate attention
she’s only been on the planet 4 months and change, LOL!I don’t believe you can ‘spoil’ a baby- you attend to their needs so they feel secure and then eventually when they’re ready (way before you expect it!), they go off on their own (not for college, HA! I mean when they get mobile and can crawl away and explore, etc)so hold that baby! enjoy that baby!June 7, 2009 at 5:32 pm #62802InactiveI’m curuious about the same thing! My LO is 4 1/2 months and she is very addicted to her paci. She gets it because of the pain from reflux, of course, but she has always been such a fast nurser that I would give it right after feeds to give her more sucking time. So she needs it for sleeping and right after nursing, and well, a lot of other times, too! I’m worried that I’m creating a monster. I agree that I will wait till we are sure her reflux is under control, but I weaned her from the paci at 3 months because it was, and a week later the pain came back! So back with the paci, new meds, and she seems better again. But I’m scared the reflux will flare up and I don’t want to keep taking away and giving back the paci. She’s such a little love, and she is so happy with it, that I think I will just not worry about it. I’ll try to limit it during awake time, like someone mentioned, and see if that helps. Sorry, no advice for you, just so you know you aren’t the only one! If she does end up a spoiled kid, she won’t be the only one out there!
June 7, 2009 at 5:46 pm #62804Keymasterjonah was a paci addict. he gave it up for good at about 3 yrs & change…
by that time it was JUST for sleeping.I strongly believe in doing what works until it doesn’t work anymore…I also limited the pacifier starting at about 12 months to just the carseat, stroller and crib. then before we knew it it was just limited to the crib. then the bed once he was in the bed…but his teeth are FINE and his speech is FINE and he was med-free at 12 months…June 7, 2009 at 11:54 pm #62811Inactivei let my kids have the pacifier whenever they wanted it. i had to teach some of them to take it–and i worked at it until they did. in fact, they were starting to spit it out and i was sticking it back in their mouths!!!!! i had 2 children that would not take a pacifier—-and that was tough. all of my kids gave up their pacifiers on their own before they turned a year old—except sylvia—can’t remember when she finally gave it up. sammie was a finger sucker, so she didn’t take a pacifier. she sucked them for quite a long time. i finally had the orthodontist have a little visit with her. it didn’t work the first time, but i had him do it again when she was a little older—-and she went home and never sucked her fingers again.
i am a total believer in pacifiers. my mother said i used to have one in my mouth and one in each hand. they finally got rid of them and told me the pigs age them—-pigs? not sure why they chose pigs.June 8, 2009 at 9:28 am #62818InactiveOkay, good to know! I like the idea of limiting it to carseat, stroller, and crib, because I think limiting it to the crib in the beginning will be hard. Christine, that story about the pigs is hilarious. I’m curious, what did the orthodontist say or do that convinced your LO to give up sucking her fingers???
June 8, 2009 at 11:45 am #62820Inactivei don’t remember, but all of my kids have needed/will need braces—so maybe it had something to do with that. she also used to have a lisp until she stopped sucking her fingers.
June 8, 2009 at 7:28 pm #62827InactiveWell, since I posted this link things have changed. I think the frustration she encountered was merely a phase. As I mentioned in the original post, when she would put something in her mouth and realized it wasn’t a pacifier, she would scream.
Now that she’s over 8 months old, she continues to be extremely needy. For the past two months she’s struggled with separation anxiety. If you’re in the room with her and walk away she screams. If you set her down in the middle of the living room with a pile of toys, she’ll remain relatively happy. However, if she’s in the middle of the room and sees you walking near, toward, around, or in the vicinity of, she screams for your attention. Anyone else experiencing this? We were hoping it was also a phase but it is lasting much longer than we expected. It is getting old.
We believe that all we’ve experienced relates back to the reflux and the amount of constant attention she was provided for her first four to five months.
Dan
June 9, 2009 at 10:27 am #62834InactiveI can understand your frustration! I had a very unhappy refluxer who screamed for well into her first year almost all day and night long. She didn’t eat, and we had to struggle to feed her and keep her comfortable. I swear that I held her all day and night- either myself or my husband. BUT, interestingly, now she is the more independent and self-entertaining of my children. You can just leave her with a pile of toys and actually feel guilty for how long she’ll sit there playing. That being said, babies do go through different phases, separation anxiety being one of them, and how we respond to them can teach them important lessons about what to expect from us as parents. They don’t understand that when you leave, you’ll come back, and hence the crying. Other babies do go through phases of clinginess to varying degrees based on their personality. I hate to say this, but it sounds like you just may have one of the more needy babies. Some seem to be more independent than others. Dr. Sears talks about the high needs child. My kids were both definitely like this. It can be challenging, especially if you want some alone time, but it does pass. Honestly though, I think that most 8 months old like the company of their parents and try to get their attention… until they can come chasing after you, crying or screaming seems to be the only way to do it. I really don’t think that giving your baby attention in the early years or months of life spoils them in any way. In fact the evidence seems to point to the opposite. Babies who have their needs attended to in the first months of life, become more secure in knowing that they’ll consistenly be met in the future, and typically become more attached and secure children. You’re supposed to give them what they want early on- they don’t yet have the mental capacity to manipulate you or to understand complex thoughts.
That doesn’t mean that it’s not frustrating not to be able to leave your baby to get some alone time. Sometimes you just need to go to the bathroom and want a minute or two. I’d set realistic expectations for how long you can leave her with her toys- maybe no more than a few minutes with you popping in to reassure her. Play with her a bit, then tell her that you’re going to leave for a minute, but that you’ll be back. Wave bye bye to her and tell her you’re just going to the kitchen or bathroom or wherever, and come back in a very short amount of time- less than a minute. Praise her for playing nicely. Over a longer period of time you can try to gradually increase the amount of time that she’s able to entertain herself. But, as I said, she may just be one of these babies who wants to be around you. My older daughter couldn’t entertain herself at all, it made you acutely aware that there were 24 hours in the day, and bedtime was always a nice break. Playgroups actually were a big help. It helped to be around other people for me and around other babies for her. She was never good at entertaining herself and still isn’t to this day. When we had my second daughter, and she became a playmate things became much easier for her. But that’s just her nature and maybe your daughter’s too. Sometimes I wish that I held onto those times a bit more closely, even though they were challenging. Now it’s all I can do to get a hug from her sometimes.You might want to check this out and see if it applies to your daughter. There may be some strategies that can help you enjoy her temperament a bit more. Good lucks&h’s mum2009-06-09 10:31:58
June 9, 2009 at 12:14 pm #62836Inactiveshe sounds like she is just at that age—they are more aware of their environment and the people in it. they get more clingy and don’t like strangers.
June 9, 2009 at 10:57 pm #62855InactiveLori, I agree with you 100% . I think the medical community should do a better job giving information to parents on how to parent children with respect to their individual tempermants. So much of the info out there is cookie cutter type…made me crazy as a first time parent. I would recommend that you read Dr. Sears book Fussy Baby and High Need Child (not sure if that is the exact title). When I found this book it made me feel better about how to parent my high need son. Supposedly high need babies turn into very passionate, intelligent, and caring big boys and girls!
-
AuthorPosts
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
