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I am a regular poster here but I logged in under a different name in case anyone that I know reads this.
I am keeping a baby a few days a week. I have noticed some things that concern me. He is VERY thin for his age. He looks about 5 months younger than what he actually is. When he is at my house, he eats the ENTIRE time. Last week when she dropped him off, he ate two 8 oz bottles in 20 minutes. Usually, I would not feed a baby this much but he would not stop crying after the first bottle and just continued to suck on the bottle when it was empty, so I made him another and he sucked it down. Anytime he comes over to my house, he is hungry and she tells me to feed him right away, which is fine, but why does he not eat at home some? He gets here around 9 in the morning and I know he doesn’t get up until 8 or after so he should have breakfast, right?
She has told me that sometimes she gives him tylenol or ibuprofen at night to make him sleep longer (this is when he isn’t teething). She said that it helps him sleep longer and she can sleep longer in the mornings. They keep him up VERY late at night (some might call it early in the morning…12-2 am), so they can sleep in the next day. He has a tv in his room and anytime he is sleeping, the tv is on to “entertain him”. (That is how she described it.)
She has told me on more than one occasion that they smoke other things than cigarettes outside while he is inside the house. To me, being on any type of drug (herbal or not) while taking care of a baby is not acceptable. Say what you may about weed, it is still considered a mood altering drug in the US.
There are so many other things that I could go on forever. I am concerned for the child. I have told her that I will no longer be able to keep him after this summer. (He is already on a daycare list for the fall.) I have to take care of my own first. I will not get in trouble with regards to neglect that she has inflicted or something like that when I have my own children to worry about. I feel so bad for the baby but I know a daycare will take care of him. My question is, should I say anything to the mom? What should I do? I am very concerned especially about his weight and constant hunger at my house. Should I do anything or am I overreacting? Opinions are welcome!
Robin, I haven’t seen that movie, but how awful!
There are just so many things that are concerning me. I would definitely talk to her before just turning her in since she is one of my friends that I meet in the last year from our mommy group. She is a VERY confrontational person so that scares me…a loose cannon, if you will.
I am very concerned for him! This is such a tough situation. I will continue to see them both after I stop babysitting him so I will know how the situation is going. It really makes me angry when I feel someone is mistreating their child. 
Great advice, Laura! Thank you! 🙂
I didn’t know that if I did call, that she wouldn’t know it was me. I just assumed they would tell her. I will definitly talk it over with my dh and see. We have talked about it before but I just feel that each day is getting worse. You are right….since she is so confrontational, it most likely would just hurt the situation and not help. Plus, I would honestly be scared about how she would handle it…she seems very revengeful (is that a word?) from stories about her past that she has told me. I wouldn’t want to put my family in the middle of this…there is no telling what she would do.
Thank you all for your advice. I think I felt like I was overreacting at first but now hearing what you all have to say, I feel better about taking some action in this situation. Thank you!
this is so hard. but if/when you call social services they might tell you that you can’t remain anonymous- this is what’s happened in our state (FL), it used to be that callers could remain anonymous- BUT that doesn’t mean that they tell the person that it’s you- it just means that the person/agency takes your name, etc so they can follow up w/ their investigation…they don’t let the person know who made the call…however she most likely will suspect you…if you know the baby’s pediatrician’s name this also will be helpful for them w/ their investigation- can find out if baby is ftt, if mother has been told to do something, etc…
they might want to come visit when you have the baby, when the mother isn’t around…if this happens, just insist on being with whoever it is & the baby because the baby is in your care afterall-so if they want to look at baby in just a diaper to see how skinny, etc, then just make sure you’re there (sounds like common sense, sorry
)just make sure that when it all hits the fan you stick your innocent face on and innocent voice and just play dumb. she can try & trick you by saying she KNOWS it’s you & she can scare you, but there is no way for her to know…you can discuss your fears when you report her- I would- I would even suggest that you’re scared for her to take out her anger on the baby (if you are)…
hellbennt2007-6-20 13:19:11
That it is so sad and I would be deeply concerned too.
What an awful predicament to be in. How old is the baby? Does he have any siblings? If so, do they seem well cared for? It definitely sounds like some major neglect is going on. Does the child interact well with the mother or does he seem frightened of her? I ask because if physical abuse is also suspected, I would call immediately. I don’t know how social services works, but could you document your concerns and send in an anonymous letter? It also seems weird to me that the mom would ‘confess’ to you that she is doing some of these things. Do you think she is crying out for help? Is it a case that the mom can’t afford food?? Sounds stupid, but I also used to work in the public school system and a lot of the moms would send their kids to school hungry all the time!!!! The kids got a snack fairly early in the morning, but you always knew who were going to be the ones to just snarf theirs down b/c they were soooooo hungry!
Do you provide the formula/food for the child???
I think these are all great suggestions! I just know that I couldn’t let this go!
Also, don’t know if anyone mentioned this, but keep a diary or just a note of all the things that she has told you, dates too if you can remember. Also the things that you are seeing when he comes to you like the excessive eating and weight issue. You are going to get a lot futher if you have “evidence” and you will probably feel more justified in your decision if you write down all that you can remember and then look at how much “proof” there really is there!
That should also help the social workers or whoever you talk to b/c they are going to obivously ask what your concerns are, and if you’re like me, I get on the phone with someone, especially if I’m nervous and I blow it and forget a lot of what I was going to say!
Gosh, I feel for you! Hard thing if you consider yourself to be “friends”!
I forgot to mention that he is 11 months old.
She gets his formula and solid food through WIC (govt. program that helps with food for children and pregnant mothers who can not afford it) so she has no excuse there. I provide the snacks but she brings over formula and solids for him.
Thats a great idea of writing this stuff down so I can remember exactly what happened…thanks for that suggestion!
Oh, what a toughie!! I think Laura had a good idea of waiting to report until after the child has entered a public daycare. That way the finger may not DIRECTLY point to you!? I have had to make 2 calls to DCFS (or whatever they’re called now) in my years as a teacher and it was HARD! And I wasn’t even friends with the people! Where I live, IL, they do take your name and information but it is supposed to remain anonymous. They take your information b/c after you make a report, they do an investigation and then notify you by letter if the claim was founded or not. Good luck and please let us know how it goes!
Also, try to remember that this is all for the benefit of the CHILD and no friendship/acquaintance is worth watching a child suffer.
Tiffany…sorry, I didn’t address your questions…this whole signing in as a different user is messing me up!
He is an only child. She is still in college and very young (the mother). Not that being a young mom is any excuse at all! My mom was 17 and did a great job, if I do say so myself!
Like I said, I do not suspect any physical abuse. Sometimes the mom sort of plays dumb about stuff too…its really a weird situation. She is also a compulsive liar. I have caught her in so many lies. Sorry, probably tmi about this, its just very complicated!
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